I was once a non-believer of curly blow dries.
Believe it or not, I was a lady who hadn't had a curly blow dry, constantly asking for straight styles when in the hairdresser's chair.
I was young, foolish, and naive, and thought, 'Hey, I have frizzy, curly hair so what the heck do I want more curls for?'
Thankfully, I have copped on.
The glory of a curly blow dry is something so hard to explain; it's an experience that every girl, boy, dog, and cat must experience for themselves.
As a massive curly blow dry enthusiast, I thought it only right to share the emotional stages we all go through getting a curly blow dry, as it is an intense, exciting time for any lady, and hopefully enlighten any straight-haired girls to change over to the curly side.
Stage 1: Before you get it...
This is the 'before' stage: you've got straight hair falling down your back, and it might as well be Sellotaped to your forehead. It's lank, (maybe) greasy, and, let's face it, you just aren't feeling yourself.
You go into the salon and wait in hot anticipation for the ecstasy of sitting in the hairdresser's chair, refusing to look in the mirror until you look like your best self: a curly-haired, bouncy QUEEN.
Stage 2: The magical transformation...
This is when you're sitting in the chair and the hairdresser is working their magic, twisting brushes and using the hairdryer like a magician would a wand.
Each curl is created with poise, patience, and precision, then blown dry, and left to perfect itself, curled around the prickles of a well-handled brush.
Looking in the mirror, you hardly recognise yourself as you see the cocoon you are slowly emerging out of, as a beautiful, big-haired butterfly.
Stage 3: Walking out of the salon...
The magic has happened. You have finally emerged a big-haired curly lady. You've been curled, backcombed, preened, teased and hairsprayed until your hair is absolutely perfect.
Your hair may resemble Dolly Parton or Dusty Springfield, but who cares? Who's gonna fuck with you now that you have an incredible hairstyle that's rock hard with products? Only an absolute tool, that's who.
Stage 4: Ready to go...
Given a few hours, your hair has flattened down a bit so you look like the absolute SHIT.
You're all glammed up to match your bombass hairdo, and you feel pretty much invincible, knowing everyone's eyes at whatever event will be on you - and your incredible hair.
What's great about a curly blow dry is that it's suitable for every occasion too. Birthday? Blow dry. Funeral? Blow dry. Ex's wedding? Blow dry. Apocalypse? Blow dry. Coconut oil? BLOW DRY.
Stage 5: Pleading with it to stay...
If you're lucky, your hair will hold in the blow dry for the night and perhaps even the next day after you sleep.
For many of us, the curls are gone by the next morning. Much like Samuel in The Bible when he loses his strength along with his hair, the same can be said for curly blowdries slowly expiring out of date.
As days pass, you fight and curse your hair, but the inevitable happens and the curls dwindle and fall out.
You suddenly realise it's been a fortnight since you've washed your hair and you're filthy. SHITE. Not again.
Guess it's time to pop back to the salon...
