We are fortunate to share our offices with some of the savviest gentlemen in media. Our bros at JOE.ie are an intelligent bunch so naturally we thought it’s about time we include their voices in our coverage of women’s issues. In our first instalment, Carl Kinsella shares his thoughts on the recent UCD revenge porn controversy.
There was a lot of furore this week about the Roosh-V 'pro-rape' rally that was going to take place in Naas.
People were so outraged that these 'neo-masculinists' would be preaching misogynistic philosophies that Roosh V had to call the whole thing off, because he was scared for the safety of his weird little disciples.
The trouble is, those lads aren't the problem. They're deplorable, disrespectful, weaselly little fridgets who couldn't even get a girl to kiss them in a Wexford caravan camp, but they aren't the problem.
The problem is the
up to 200 UCD students who allegedly used a Facebook group to share and rate stories and pictures of women they had slept with as reported by The College Tribune, UCD's student newspaper, this week.
The problem is that smart, otherwise upstanding young guys who can somehow tune out their conscience when it comes to matters of sexual politics because just like Roosh V and his gang of losers, they've gotten it into their heads that women owe them something.
Men who, for a reason that I'm so thankful is beyond me, think of women as an entirely different species and think of interactions with women as some weird kind of warzone where the normal rules that govern everyday decency don't apply.
If you're a young guy the problem is probably you. The problem is DEFINITELY me, I can say that for certain. If I acted like I have never objectified a woman or anything like that I'd be lying through my fingernails. And no, the fact that I acknowledge it doesn't absolve me of anything.
The only thing that in any way redresses that balance is by embracing the fact that I'm young and knowing that it is thankfully entirely within my hands whether or not I spend my time heaping more misery on women because I want sex, or because I'm insecure, or because I think my friends will find it funny. It's also a choice I can make that every guy I'm friends with knows that if they treat women terribly then we aren't friends anymore, and that sucks but that's how it is because I can't respect that kind of behaviour.
And the only way that situations like what's alleged to have happened in UCD will stop happening, is when the first guy who sets up that group and adds 200 people to it, at least 100 of them go 'This isn't cool.' Somehow we aren't there yet. It appears we're still in a situation where 200 guys could get together and share photos of naked women they know without any consent and convince themselves that behaviour is harmless. Convince themselves that this doesn't suggest a near sociopathic disregard for the autonomy of other human beings. Somehow we haven't crossed that threshold.
Things like rape and sexual harassment and all manners of sexual misconduct (like 'revenge porn') are often described as female issues, which almost makes sense, since more often than not, women are the victims.
I think it makes more sense to think of these problems as men's issues, because more often that not, we're the ones responsible for these offences. And if you're sat reading this, annoyed at the insinuation that you're responsible for something you've never done, ask yourself if you do enough make sure that your mates don't do these things.
When your friend won't leave that girl alone even though she's too drunk to stand, do you make sure to sort him out, or do you give him a pass, because he's drunk too? When your friend calls a girl a slut because she's slept with just as many people as he has, do you stop and ask him to explain why he sticks by such a incredibly outdated and breathtakingly nonsensical double standard?
When your friend invites you a Facebook group whose purpose is to share pictures of naked women without their knowledge, do you accept the invite just to see how things play out? Or do you ask yourself why you're friends with someone who thinks it's okay to cause such damage to a person for no other reason than she's a woman?
Being able to laugh it off when a friend acts badly towards a woman is an exclusively male privilege. A woman cannot laugh it off when a man follows her to her taxi. A woman cannot laugh it off when an intimate photo she shared in confidence is seen by hundreds on social media and saved to phones around the country. A woman cannot laugh off the stark reality that she can't make her way across the Coppers dancefloor without being groped by five different pairs of hands.
So ask yourself. Next time you're laughing off misogyny, ask yourself if you'd still be laughing if you were at the butt of this sick, centuries-old joke and maybe you'll realise there isn't anything funny about it.
The problem is that smart, otherwise upstanding young guys who can somehow tune out their conscience when it comes to matters of sexual politics because just like Roosh V and his gang of losers, they've gotten it into their heads that women owe them something.
Men who, for a reason that I'm so thankful is beyond me, think of women as an entirely different species and think of interactions with women as some weird kind of warzone where the normal rules that govern everyday decency don't apply.
If you're a young guy the problem is probably you. The problem is DEFINITELY me, I can say that for certain. If I acted like I have never objectified a woman or anything like that I'd be lying through my fingernails. And no, the fact that I acknowledge it doesn't absolve me of anything.
The only thing that in any way redresses that balance is by embracing the fact that I'm young and knowing that it is thankfully entirely within my hands whether or not I spend my time heaping more misery on women because I want sex, or because I'm insecure, or because I think my friends will find it funny. It's also a choice I can make that every guy I'm friends with knows that if they treat women terribly then we aren't friends anymore, and that sucks but that's how it is because I can't respect that kind of behaviour.
And the only way that situations like what's alleged to have happened in UCD will stop happening, is when the first guy who sets up that group and adds 200 people to it, at least 100 of them go 'This isn't cool.' Somehow we aren't there yet. It appears we're still in a situation where 200 guys could get together and share photos of naked women they know without any consent and convince themselves that behaviour is harmless. Convince themselves that this doesn't suggest a near sociopathic disregard for the autonomy of other human beings. Somehow we haven't crossed that threshold.
