I was sipping a decaf soy cappuccino in Insomnia when he walked in, it was as if time stood still. He had a presence like no other.
Our eyes locked immediately and I knew it was him, he’s here.
He ordered a sparkling water, pulled up a chair next to me and we hit it off straight away.
Me: Frank, it’s great to see you. Thanks so much for agreeing to this.
Frank: Ciara, no bother. Thrilled to be asked.
Me: I’m a bit overwhelmed here. Where do we even start?
Frank: Haha, well I can take you through the early years if you want?
Me: Yeah, perfect.
Frank: So, Larry had just started a band with three other lads. He wanted to look edgy, but also very fashionable. Someone suggested that he should get his ears pierced. What most people don’t know is that Larry had originally planned on getting both ears done, but he fainted halfway through. That’s an exclusive now. Not one to admit his failures, Larry just told the squad he only wanted one pierced.
Me: Frank, you’re having me on! That’s gas.
Frank: Bible! Anyway, he got the piercing done in George’s Arcade, where all they had to offer was a diamante stud. I still vomit a bit when I think about it. Diamante. On Larry. Over my dead body.
Me: So where do you come into this all then Frank?
Frank: Great question Ciara. Might I say your hair looks really nice today.
Me: Frank, you’re a charmer!
Frank: I’m a charmer! So yeah, Larry kept the diamante stud in for six weeks, as instructed. Then himself and Bono went into town in search of a few bits. Larry and I fell in love in Claire’s Accessories. He saw me straight away and knew we’d be a good fit. The girl at the till had barely scanned my barcode when he had me in his ear hole. It just felt right. I’d been in that shop window for weeks and nobody had looked in my direction. But Larry was different, he actually looked me in the eye.
Me: This is an incredible story. What happened next?
Frank: To be honest Ciara, we just began our life together. Larry took me all over the world and we grew to love and respect each other. I get on very well with Bono and the lads, we’ve all got a lot in common. U2 are the best band in the world and they’ve even written a song about me!
Me: Shut your beautiful mouth! What song?
Frank: Another exclusive for you Ciara. ‘With Or Without You’ was written about me, Larry Mullen Jr’s earring. We were on tour in Belgium and I somehow got disconnected from Larry. He tosses and turns something wicked in his sleep and I ended up inside the pillowcase. It was a difficult time…
[At this point, Frank broke down. I passed him a tissue, he tried to resist it but there was a lot of built up emotion trying to escape. Luckily, he succumbed to the tears and I comforted him for 5-7 minutes].
Frank: Sorry, I’ve been swinging like a pendulum from his left lobe for countless years and that was a really rough time when I honestly thought it was all over. I was distraught, more than a little cross (that’s a joke Larry and I often have because I am a little cross earring). But look, I was found and we were reunited. The hole hadn’t closed up and Larry hadn’t found a replacement. The story could’ve had a very different ending.
Me: Speaking of a replacement, I’m sure you can appreciate that I need to address the widely-reported suspicion that Larry actually wears a clip on earring.
Frank: Ciara. I refuse to dignify that with an answer. As sure as eggs is eggs, I perforate the hole in Larry’s ear.
Me: Fair enough, but I had to ask. Anyway, how’s the future looking?
Frank: It’s looking bright, Ciara. It’s looking very bright. We’re touring at the moment, luckily I managed to get some time off to speak to you. The boys are far from tired. Larry could drum all day everyday and he still wouldn’t want to take a break. He’s a trooper, as am I.
Me: Frank, thanks so much for talking to me. It was lovely to ear from you.
Frank: Haha, very funny. Listen, all the best Ciara, send my regards to the family.
