8 things not to say to someone who's just joined the gym for the first time
We've all been there.
Rocking up to the gym for the first time in your life ever, struggling to figure out how to use any or all of the machines, wearing gear that's far too new and absolutely gives away the fact that you've never worked out in your life.
You're too fresh-faced, too optimistic, too happy, too obvious.
It's a tough spot to be in, but if you're lucky, you'll have a mate with you to show you the ropes.
(... And to make sure you know what button stops the treadmill.)
If you're not so lucky and just a regular old person hitting up the gym for the first time by yourself, you may struggle that little bit more.
And that's okay - we've all had those moments where we don't have a literal clue what is going on - you just need to go with it and pretend that you're okay and absolutely not paranoid that everybody's looking at you.
Logic would suggest that people are going to be going to the gym for the first time a lot more in the month of January.
It would make sense then that these people may be subjected to unnecessary (and sometimes rude) comments by other people who have been attending said gym for longer.
These people think they own the gym and they, for some reason, think it's funny that you haven't quite gotten the hang of things yet.
So, they decide to say some questionable things to you.
Here are 8 of those things... and you should never say them.
1. "Umm, you're using that wrong."
Alright, it's very possible that you may have been using the equipment wrong.
And you very well may need help that would be very much appreciated to ensure that you don't maim yourself on the rowing machine.
But, honestly, somebody showing up and informing you that you're doing something wrong in the gym is a crime worse than all of the main offences.
2. "Can you actually hurry up, I want to use that cross trainer for the eighth time this week."
No Jeanette, it's my time now.
3. "Let me help, I know what I'm doing."
By all means, help. Go ahead. Do it.
... But for the love of god don't preface your help with the self-aggrandising fact that you know what you're doing here in the gym that you attend regularly as opposed to someone else, a newbie who will never be quite as ripped as you.
4. "I can bench twice that!"
No one care, man.
Also, who are you?
5. "Lookin' well ;)"
A solid, and always relevant, no.
6. "If you really want to see some changes, you should do this instead."
Look, people go to the gym because they want to get toned, lose a bit of weight, or get a bit healthier - this we know.
But what works for some people may not work for others.
At the end of the day, the only person who knows their own body is the person occupying it (that's you), and chances are everyone's got their little workout plan already set in their head and aren't going to appreciate a stranger butting in to give their two cents.
Help is always welcome, but just don't be a dick like.
7. "Do you want me to be your personal trainer?"
Unless you are, in fact, a personal trainer who is employed by the gym, chances are, nobody wants you to be their personal trainer.
(But if you are employed by the gym, thank you so much for the offer, I may take you up on that but also - do you cost extra?)
8. "Wanna hit up the jacuzzi after?"