Look, don’t shoot the messenger.
For more than 30 years, family researchers have been examining the effects of children on a relationship and their controversial conclusions are likely to cause upset.
Depressingly, according to The Washington Post, on average, couples’ satisfaction with their marriage declines during the first years of marriage. Now, new research has found that having children after marriage can cause marriage satisfaction to decrease twice as rapidly as couples without children.
In the event that a pregnancy is unplanned, the parents experience an even greater negative impact on their relationship.
The study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that as martial satisfaction of new parents declines, so too does the likelihood of divorce. So while having off-spring might make you miserable, the chances are you’ll be miserable together.
What is concerning is that the decrease in martial satisfaction has profound effects on overall happiness. Professor of Psychology Matthew D. Johnson writes that this is because satisfaction with a partner is deemed to be the biggest predictor of overall life satisfaction.
Johnson continues to comment on the findings stating:
“It seems obvious that adding a baby to a household is going to change its dynamics. And indeed, the arrival of children changes how couples interact. Parents often become more distant and businesslike with each other as they attend to the details of parenting. Mundane basics like keeping kids fed, bathed and clothed take energy, time and resolve. In the effort to keep the family running smoothly, parents discuss carpool pickups and grocery runs, instead of sharing the latest gossip or their thoughts on presidential elections. Questions about one’s day are replaced with questions about whether this diaper looks full.”
Naturally, mothers feel the effect of this shift in dynamic more, often becoming the “on-call” parent who finds their work hours, activity and other habits are compromised.
Johnson writes that the strain on a marriage can lead to other physical and mental health problems.
It’s not all bad though. Once couples are aware of the problem things can be easily improved.
“The link between psychological and marital problems is strong enough that researchers have found that couples therapy is one of the most effective ways of treating depression and some other mental illnesses,” concludes Johnson.
