Help.
Send all of it. Immediately.
It’s hay fever season and you know what that means: days upon days of blowing our noses, looking like shite, and being generally sad and unwell.
It’s a deeply upsetting time of year for us all, as we can only rejoice at the nice weather so much until we are driven inside by high pollen counts and streaming eyes.
So, without further ado, here are six surefire and absolutely warranted complaints every single one of us suffering from hay fever will have this time of year.
And no, we won’t stop complaining.
1. “I am going through two rolls of toilet paper a day”
There has to be a limit on the sheer amount of liquid one nose can hold.
Kitten Soft is expensive. This is not feasible.
2. “Hold on, I need to check the pollen count before I go to work today”
If it’s at all high, management will just have to deal with the fact that I simply cannot be trusted to come in today.
This is my health we’re talking about, after all.
3. “I look like a clown”
Tissue + nose = red.
Self explanatory.
4. “This is such a fucking waste of makeup”
Honestly, what is the bloody point of all of this foundation if I’m just going to snot it all off before the day even begins?
I am not made of money.
Nor am I secretly glad that hay fever has given me an excuse to look like total shit in the mornings, but hey, here we are.
5. “My throat is on fire, guess I have to eat all of the ice cream, oh well”
Not so much a complaint as a statement, I guess.
6. “I can’t taste anything anymore… Just snot”
And mucous. And phlegm.
And whatever else has managed to find itself a new home inside of my body.
Illness is my friend now. No one else.
