You stalk stranger babies
The broody person will frequently make detours to follow babies around the supermarket. I have hidden behind a Pampers display to stare at an adorable baby while the mother agonised over a baby shampoo purchase. When she selected one, I muttered, “that one’s not very good. Look for a hypoallergenic one.” She resumed her search, and I used this extra time to continue to stare at her baby. I may be a creep.
You always want “a go” of other people’s babies
When, just WHEN will it be acceptable to simply storm up to people and say “YOU, give me a go of your baby”? Instead, we have to act all calm and polite and rational and wait till the selfish b*tch thinks to offer us the baby.
When having a “go of the baby” the mother nearly always has to ask for her baby back
For some reason some people think it’s a tad proprietorial to immediately start smelling a baby’s head and neck as soon as we get a hold of them, but it’s not something we can control. It just happens. We’re just so damn clucky. I tell you, we’re at the mercy of THE CLUCK.
You have the name picked
You also get really aggro when someone else uses YOUR baby name despite not actually being preggers yet. This is totally reasonable. I like to think of this as the early onset of pregnancy hormones. Once the broody hits, we’re pretty tempted to start eating for two for the sheer hell of it.
You talk to strangers in the shops about their babies… for waaaaay too long
This wouldn’t be so bad except we’re so transfixed by the baby that our endless stream of questions designed to hold the baby and mother’s attention get increasingly stupid as you run out of things to say. I definitely once asked a new mother “So how did you come to get pregnant?” in a bid to keep staring at her baby.
Suddenly you’re no longer irritated by the deluge of baby pics on the Facebook feed
In fact, you start to feel like if you press your face up to the screen, you can actually smell that delicious baby head smell THROUGH the phone.
You endlessly do the “if I got pregnant now” maths
You may have to accept that timing a pregnancy between being bridesmaid several times next summer may not be feasible.
You blissfully ignore any of the harsher realities of parenthood
“Oh mine would never do that,” thinks everyone who hasn’t had a child yet.
You gently float the idea with the other half
Keep that tone real casual now, you don’t want him getting jumpy or he’ll retire his jockeys faster than you can say “wouldn’t it be nice to make a baby.”
Your uterus actually skips a beat when you see a newborn
The uterine tingle is a very real sensation. You’re also liable to cry from sheer cuteness – adorable baby shoes or a baby panda will set you off – this is an actual thing.
