Coffee plays an important part in many people’s daily lives.
Many of us can relate to not being a morning person and need that little boost to feel half-awake in the mornings. But while we’re ordering our favourite hot beverage, sometimes it is the barista behind the counter that has to suffer.
Yes, it’s hard to believe but behind the smiley apron-clad coffee maestro, there may lie a short-tempered person who is very much close to losing their shit.
Being a barista, while for the most part is an exciting and enjoyable journey, can really suck sometimes.
Customers fussing and insisting on getting their little quirks right can sometimes take its toll and therefore I have compiled a very specific list that all baristas can relate to.
1. People somehow forget how to talk at the till.
What is it about cafés that people suddenly lose their voices and any command of English? Why are you staring at me? I’m not psychic?
It can be like getting blood from a stone trying to get some people to even ORDER.
2. The fancy names of coffees never fail to confuse the BEJAYSUS out of people.
Americano, doppio espresso, flat white, cortado, espresso con panna – it can be hard for people to know what exactly they’re ordering.
JUST ASK, PEOPLE.
3. The sizes of the cups never fail to confuse the BEJAYSUS out of people.
Tall, grande, venti, primo, media, massimo – why is there so many ways to say small, medium and large?
It causes holy WAR when a customer gets a small when they originally thought they were getting a large.
You just have to hold your breath and do what they say.
4. The names spelt incorrectly on people’s cup never fail to anger the BEJAYSUS out of people.
A new fad in some cafés, putting people’s names on their cups guarantees customers know which coffee belongs to them.
“Oh sorry this cup says Joe? My name is actually Jo”.
However, sometimes when it’s loud and if people don’t speak up, it’s hard to spell a name correctly.
Somehow, this absolutely enrages Irish people with some even refusing to drink the coffee.
“Oh sorry this cup says Joe? My name is actually Jo” G’way and SHITE.
5. The smell of coffee gets absolutely EVERYWHERE.
You wouldn’t think it, but it is horrid. Your jacket, your shoes, your clothes, your hair – EVERYTHING smells of stale coffee after a shift.
Sometimes one shower isn’t even enough.
6. Aprons are not cute, never have been and never will be.
Wearing an apron is super annoying. You have to tie it at the back and it often comes loose of its own accord.
Bloody nightmare.
7. People will order the wrong thing and somehow, blame you.
I’m sure this happens in most retail jobs.
The mistake of the customer is suddenly yours and all you can do is sort it and apologise. RAGE.
8. People will make up drinks that do not exist
“Can I get a carrot flavoured latte with goat’s milk and rainbow dust cream on the top?” NO. You can’t.
Unfortunately, if you want a coffee, it’s going to require ingredients from this planet.
9. Students on computers will invade, ordering one drink
Your eyes pan over a blissful sight, an empty, quiet café with all tables, chairs and windows gleaming.
And then about 10 snotty students with their laptops crash in, laughing, playing music, tapping on their computer, breathing. Sigh.
They take their seats and hoard nearly half the café and eventually, one comes up to the till and asks for a tap water. One tap water. Between ten students.
*blows steam out of ears with fury*
10. People love to order drinks that aren’t. even. ADVERTISED.
“Oh do you not do mocha-latté-cortados with elephant milk? They do them in my local café”
HELLO? Read the menu board. It’s not there for decoration. We only sell what we advertise. *wink*
11. Mugs are your worst enemy.
As a barista, making coffees fast can be challenging and the fragility of ceramic mugs means that more often than not, a mug is going to go hurtling towards the floor, crashing to pieces.
In a busy café, a cup breaking can be a nightmare and slow down your whole routine altogether.
I can confirm being a barista is one of the most rewarding jobs possible, I think I may just have unresolved anger issues.
