6 things bound to happen on public transport in this f*cking heat
It's so warm that all public transport in Ireland should actually be cancelled because standing on it, or sitting on it, or just being near it in this heat is disgusting and we do not approve.
How would people get around? Doesn't matter.
Wouldn't that be a bit of an inconvenience? Don't care.
It's humid, it's intense, and it's painfully intimate out there on the busses, Luases, and trains of the country - and here are 6 things bound to happen when you're on them in this godforsaken heat.
1. You're self conscious about how bad you smell but everybody smells bad
You're standing holding onto a pole as you become acutely aware of the giant sweat patches beneath your pits.
Legit no point in worrying about it though because everyone is sweating profusely anyway.
Your sweat is my sweat, random man squashed against the luggage rack on the 16a.
We are one.
2. No air con ever
Irish people have never heard of air conditioning and this is a fact.
Cool breeze? Don't know her, mate.
Air to breathe? Haven't a clue.
A system which pumps filtered, cool air into a confined space in order to make said space literally bearable? Never heard of it.
3. Some lad gets on the bus and closes all the windows
Sorry Brian, but who do you think you are, like? Coming on here after all of us and trapping everybody in this cesspit of body odour and pain?
A breeze would do us all a bit of good.
Just let it happen.
4. Your sweaty hand can't grip any of the poles
We're not the only ones who can't hold onto the poles for support while the bus is moving because our hands are too sleek with sweat.
We're not, like. Everyone falls over that way.
5. You're two minutes away from asking a stranger for a bit of their Sure
"Sorry do you have a lend of some deodorant, kind sir? I'm in desperate need."
6. You spill your iced oat milk latte with a shot of vanilla all over yourself
For the second time this week, no doubt.