Time.
It’s a funny ol’ thing.
Some call it a vacuum. Some call it a flat circle. Some call it a constant reminder that we all on the same unstoppable journey towards death, that cannot be halted by money, fame, or glory.
2019 was fine. It was alright. It was neither here nor there.
Despite this, if you had a shitty enough 12 months rest easy in the knowledge that 2020 is surely going to be a whole lot better than 2019.
Why? Just is, mate.
1. It’s the ROARING ’20s AGAIN!
Grab your Mary Janes, don your cloches, and pick up some flappers on the way to the club – because the ’20s are back and we’re going to have a swell ol’ time.
Sure, the 2020s may not be as cool as the 1920s, but they’ll definitely be more progressive.
We can have abortions now. We can attend same-sex marriages. We can even get divorced, which was not a thing in the 1920s or, eh, even the 1990s, let we forget how recent that actually was.
Get hype.
2. Those 30-50 feral hogs will no longer be running through that man’s yard
Nor will he need to worry that they will do so within 3-5 mins while his small kids play.
At least, we hope that they won’t. According to this guy – who so vociferously argued in favour of assault weapons in the States – the feral hogs are a year long phenomenon, meaning that they could very easily charge straight into 2020 too.
We can only hope the opposite is true.
3. After Life season two will finally arrive
Alright, alright, we already had season one in 2019, so technically that should have made the year go by in a haze of delight and excitement.
But then it ended, and everybody was sad – so, more of it please.
And thankfully, Ricky Gervais has indeed confirmed that After Life will be back for our viewing pleasure in spring 2020.
Class.
4. There will be no rugby world cup in 2020
Self explanatory.
5. The US Presidential election will happen
And you know what that means.
On November 3, the States will (hopefully) grab itself a new president, ridding itself (please) of the current painful situation that has hurt many minorities, families, and general people across the country.
We know what’s at stake now. We can’t fuck it up again.
6. Shane Dawson has firmly established himself as an auteur, meaning that we only have more in-depth and insightful documentaries to look forward to
It doesn’t matter than they’re on YouTube, lads.
It’s a reputable platform.
7. Kate Middleton will probably get pregnant again
And who among us truly doesn’t love a royal baby announcement?*
(*Many people do not love a royal baby announcement.)
8. Liberia will halt deforestation
Yep, the country will become the first in the world to completely stop cutting down its trees in return for development aid from Norway.
A massive congrats to all involved.
9. Lizzo will continue to exist
And that simply, is enough.
Happy New Year, etc.
