#AgonyCant My girlfriend is always 'giving out' and I don't know what to do 1 year ago

#AgonyCant My girlfriend is always 'giving out' and I don't know what to do

agony can't

"My girlfriend is 24/7 giving out every minute of everyday.

"I have two kids and she just started back at college so she is under stress. HELP."

The bold capitalisation of "help" above makes me think two things.

The first is that you Googled what an agony aunt submission was supposed to look like and this is what the result was.

The second is that you are so utterly desperate for advice and assistance that you couldn't help but smash that CAPS LOCK in the hope that someone, somewhere would hear your plea for a peaceful relationship.

Due to the lack of detail and information given in this question though, it's hard to give an informed and somewhat helpful opinion on what you should actually do about this situation.

If your girlfriend's mood are affecting your life to the point where you don't like being around her, your kids are affected, and you're generally unhappy in yourself, then you may need to rethink whether this relationship is going to last.

You might be at the end of your tether, seriously questioning why somebody is treating you badly when you haven't done anything wrong.

Or the opposite might be true and you just momentarily lost it when your girlfriend was having a particularly bad day, wrote into an agony aunt column looking for a vent, and immediately regretted your actions because now your problem is going to be all over the internet.

Any and all of the above could be true meaning that there's probably an infinite number of ways that you could solve this problem.

Everything ranging from having a chat to going to couples counselling to giving her time to adjust to breaking up entirely is a viable option here.

As is sitting, doing nothing, and being vaguely unhappy - but nobody wants to do that.

At the end of the day, she's your girlfriend - and if you care about your girlfriend you're going to want to give her support, love, and care where you can.

If her going back to college is stressing you out, just imagine what it's doing to her. Should she be taking her feelings out on you? No, absolutely not. But does she need your help with getting through this? Yes, definitely.

She may not need you to hold her hand but knowing that you're there for her if she needs you isn't a tall ask. Just tell her you're available to chat if she needs you.

She might be like nah, you're grand, I can do this by myself, whatever... Or she might be like yeah, thanks, that's nice of you to consider I might be struggling a bit even if I don't want to admit it and now maybe my moods will improve too because I know you've got your support.

If you can, get someone to take your kids for a few nights, book a hotel, and the two of you go away for a weekend. Or just go out for dinner by yourselves. Or just order takeaway on your own.

Whatever you do, just do it together. Have a nice time, chill out, and don't talk about college or work or any of the other sometimes awful, almost always stressful things that you've got going on in your lives.

Let her know you're there if she needs you, eat a load of food, and try remember why you actually found each other's company appealing in the first place before there was no stress or panic or giving out.

Honestly, all you can do is try to help. And if you try enough and nothing changes, it might be time for a more serious conversation about the affect this is having on your relationship.

But if you try and it makes things better, you'll be sorted.


Worried about going on a first date with someone new? Got some lad onto you who won't take the hint? Are you being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or some other new form of dating trend? Just need somewhere to vent about everything that's wrong with your love life? Same, to be honest.

Don't worry though because at Her we've been there, we are still there, and we can maybe even give you some decent advice. At the end of the day, #ShiftHappens to all of us. 

Send all questions here or email Jade@her.ie. All submissions will be published anonymously.