Am I the only one?
I’m at that weird in-between stage where I no longer can call myself a child and don’t quite feel comfortable calling myself an adult.
I don’t know why – I am now doing all the things I thought adults did when I was a child.
I work, I pay rent, I drink – yes, that really was all I thought adults did when I was small – but there’s all this other stuff that I didn’t realise I had to do and now the fact that I don’t do them worries me on the regular.
Yes, I often find myself in a cold sweat thinking about the long list of things I’m neglecting to do but there are six in particular that crop up daily.
1. Starting a pension
With a Google search telling me I should have started this four months ago when I turned 25, I’m reminded of not only the fact that I missed the milestone, but also that I’m nowhere near the stage in my life where I can afford to be giving money to my 65-year-old self.
Making just that point at dinner with my friends expecting us all to laugh and clink our glasses to enjoying the remainder of our youth, they look at me concerned and boast about how “relieved” they are they finally got theirs sorted.
2. Going to the gym
I own two pairs of leggings and a sports bra and the only time they get worn is when I’m fairly confident I can leave the house without meeting a single soul who knows who I am.
Sure, spinning sounds like fun and yoga would look great on Instagram, but there’s also going out for dinner and Netflix.
And until the gym gives me five gay men to make me see the good in humanity, I’m good.
3. Charging my phone
I’m that person who always has a charger on her. With a lead in every handbag and a Powerbank there too for good measure, it’s fair to say I’m paranoid about my phone dying.
Seeing anything less than 40 percent fills me with more dread than checking my bank balance the week before payday. What if I’m meeting someone and won’t be able to contact them? What if I need to check Google maps to see where I’m going? Or what if I have to spend my 25-minute commute home just sitting there… with no music… no Instagram feed… nothing?
Yes, my mobile phone has basically become a landline as it spends the majority of its time attached to a wall anyway.
4. Seeing the dentist
I’ve been getting reminders about my six-month check-up for the last three years. I know – it’s terrible. I really need to take more ownership of my dental health, but I really can’t deal with my dentist telling me I’m not doing a good enough job with flossing one more time. I can’t.
So instead, I ignore the texts and emails and take the long route to work now – sorted!
5. Doing the grocery shop
No single house chore instils more fear in me than the grocery shop. It is the weekly torture that I prolong until my dinner consists of a pork chop that I defrosted after 4 months, the last remaining carrot and the only carbohydrate left in my press – usually a rice cake.
I know – it’s seriously bleak. But that is how much I hate doing the big shop.
Why is it such an upsetting experience? Well, I usually leave something off the list, forget to purchase something on the list, and spend way too much money on stuff that never would be on the list.
6. Having a savings account
This is the reason I know I’m not ready for a pension because if I can’t save money for October me, then how can I save money for 2060 me?
Every month, my banking app and I play a little game. I pop a cheeky hundred into my savings account, confident that it will help fund Christmas, my next night out, that Topshop coat I’ve been eyeing, my friends birthday presents and the 5,000 holidays I’m going to take in my head next year.
However, four weeks later when I’m struggling to even pay for my bus fare in the morning, I panic transfer every last cent back only to wave farewell to it before the dance starts all over again on payday.
