Dating is hard.
I don’t care how ‘easy’ my mother tries to convince me it is, but it isn’t.
Whether it’s feeling like an absolute lemon talking to some rando on Tinder, or having drinks spilled on you while being groped by said randos in a nightclub, it’s hard being a Single woman in your 20s these days.
And while I usually enjoy the perks of single life – judgement-free Netflix binges, share snacks all to myself, and minimal requirement for freshly shaven legs – sometimes, the thought of a big spoon seems nice.
And then it’s back into the murky waters that is the dating scene.
If this set-up sounds all too familiar to you, then you’ll probably relate to these 11 stages of single life.
1. Curiosity
After the couple you’ve been shipping on your fave series FINALLY get together, you think it’s about time you get yourself back out there.
2. Picky
Left-swiping till your thumb starts to seize up, you tell yourself repeatedly that you’re a prize too good for any of these randos.
3. Reality
You remember that you’re not the perfect combination of Beyonce’s body and Emma Stone’s personality, and begin to look more realistically at your potential suitors.
4. Elation
Someone you’re interested is reciprocating, and you’re feeling as hot as a cheese toasty. (phrases like this might have something to do with my relationship status)
5. Commitment
With messages being exchanged, questions like ‘how was your day?’ is the closest thing to commitment you’ve felt in a long time.
6.Freak-out
The date’s been organised and now the utter feeling of panic sets in. From outfit choices to planning your escape, it’s naught to 100 in the space of ‘Sounds good, where will we go?’.
7. Preparation
It’s been a while so you make a list of all the things you have to shave, pluck or spray tan before the big date. Covering yourself in a questionable hair removal cream that’s been in your bathroom for far too long, you try and learn how to contour from a YouTube video that claims to have you looking like a Kardashian when you’re done.
8. Doubt
‘Maybe the pictures on my profile are too nice? What if I’m not what they’re expecting? I’ve totally oversold how funny I am in the messages it takes me 20 minutes to carefully craft.’
9. Embarrassed
Even though your friends told you not to, you did. You text them first after the date only to see tumbleweeds role across the two blue ticks at the bottom of your Whatsapp chat.
10. Sad
Your mam was right, you’ve missed the window. Everyone is coupled up and there’s nobody left for you to date. FOREVER ALONE!
11. Content
Ahhh, yes! The new season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race is out… and, play.
