Grown woman still using ‘sleeps’ as a unit of measurement

This is a breaking news story.

Reports have emerged today that a woman in her late twenties is still using 'sleeps' as a method of time measurement. Sarah Smith from Lucan was overheard announcing to her workmates that it's only 24 sleeps to Christmas. Her colleague, who wishes to remain unnamed, got in touch to tell us the story.

"It was unbelievable, she just blurted it out like it was no big deal. Sarah and Denise from upstairs were having a natter in the kitchen as I was eating my breakfast. I usually have two Weetabix but this morning I said feck it, I'll go for the three. Anyway, there I was mindlessly scrolling through my Facebook feed, when I overheard Sarah exclaim that it's only 24 sleeps to Christmas. Denise didn't even react, she just nodded. I asked her to repeat what she'd said, but she mistook it that I was questioning her maths skills. I wasn't. They're spot on. When I asked why she was using the term 'sleeps', she said it was just a bit of fun. A bit of fun? It's hardly fun for insomniacs, who might only have one or two sleeps between now and then. I don't want to be part of the 'PC gone mad' brigade, but she was being really inappropriate"

As Ireland's answer to Spotlight, we've tried to get in touch with Sarah for her side of the story, but were unable to contact her. We managed to speak with Denise (from upstairs), who didn't understand the nature of our concern. It has emerged that dozens of women across Ireland could also be affected with USAAUOM (Using Sleeps As A Unit Of Measurement), as we've conducted some research across social media. Statuses such as the one reimagined below, show just how serious this condition is. If you or a loved one could be affected by USAAUOM, please get in touch via coponffs@gmail.com and we'll get you sorted with a councillor. This is an ongoing investigation, which we will continue keep you abreast with.