Vaginas, am I right?
You can tell a lot about yourself by the type of vagina you happen to possess. For example, if you have no vagina, it is very likely that you are a man.
With similar stupidity in mind, here’s what the shape of your vagina says about you.
The Pentagon
Your vagina is approximately 6,500,000 sq ft in diameter and it houses the entire headquarters of the United States Department of Defense. You’re a Secretive Sally and to even your closest friends, your inner thoughts remain a complete mystery. You change your email and various social media passwords twice a month and actively encourage others to do the same. You love sport, especially football, given that the shape of your vagina has inspired the design of the leather patches on them. Your vagina has tight security and few have managed to breach the perimeters.
The Triangle
Your vagina dates back as far as the 16th century and is typically made of metal, usually steel or beryllium copper. You’re an ambitious Amy and will stop at nothing to achieve your dreams of becoming a world famous musician. Your Twitter username has ‘Official’ at the end, so your 300 followers are fully aware that it’s the authentic you who’s tweeting random Phil Collins lyrics at 3am. Musically, your influences include Alt-J, Jay Z and Luke Kelly. Your vagina is a musical delight that has been heard by many.
The Square
Your vagina is one of Ireland’s largest shopping and leisure destinations with over 130 shops and restaurants. You’re a shopaholic Sharon and make no apology for it. Your dream job is to be a personal shopper to the stars, rather than the usual clients that include your Mam, sisters and weird aunt Maureen. You can be a bit of a nerd and have degrees coming out your vagina. Maths was your favourite subject at school and you give grinds to Leaving Cert students on the weekends. There’s far more than meets the eye with your vagina, as it has four equal sized flirty corners.
The Crescent Moon
Your vagina is quite rare and only visible to the naked eye once a month, usually around the time of a new moon. You’re an optimistic Orla, always viewing the glass as half full. You love the outdoors and have been known to suggest outrageous activities like surfing and glamping, much to your friends’ trepidation. Your dream job is to become an actress, having been inspired by the woman on the Jaffa Cakes ad many years ago. Although rarely seen, your vagina signifies new beginnings and welcomes all aboard.
The Diamond
Your vagina is a precious stone. As a person, you’re a bit of a posh Pauline, often turning your nose up at those that refuse to meet your impossibly high standards. You love the finer things in life and happily refer to yourself as a kept woman. Money talks and you certainly listen, unless it’s the time of the blood diamond, at which point you turn into a demon. You’ve a short attention span and can be easily distracted by anything that sparkles. Your vagina is polished, expensive and most commonly desired by miners.
Disclaimer: If your vagina happens to match the exact shape of any of the aforementioned, we highly recommend that you consult your doctor at the nearest convenience.
