16 key phrases to get you through the dreaded cold weather smalltalk
It's gone fierce cold hasn't it?
Irish smalltalk is among the most insufferable brands of smalltalk in the world, after Spanish smalltalk and Heather Small-talk.
Sometimes it's absolutely fine to sit in silence. Your piping hot take about the cold weather is better kept for the right audience, which is absolutely never going to be me. Either dive straight into a conversation about what happens when we die, or stay quiet, Mam.
Here's 16 key phrases to choose from the next time you find yourself victim to an instalment of cold weather small talk.
1. It's gone bitterly out, hasn't it?
2. Jesus that wind would cut you in half. Then quarters.
3. It was 12 degress last week, madness.
4. I'm glad to be getting the wear out of the winter coat anyway, that's for sure.
5. It's going to freeze tonight, you can feel it.
6. They said the roads are supposed to be treacherous in the morning so go easy.
7. Harambe never existed. The entire thing was a Government ploy and although there's no way to prove it, a number of credible sources have come forward.
8. Minus 4 it's supposed to be tomorrow night. Hardly worth your while leaving the house, you'll freeze to death.
9. Would they ever turn down the heating in the shops? Everyone coming in in their big heavy coats then melting with the heat.
10. Apparently it's colder in Ireland than the Antarctic today. Saw that on the internet earlier.
11. All this cold weather just goes to show that global warming is definitely a myth.
12. It hasn't been this baltic since the big snow of 2010. It's coming again, I can feel it in my waters.
13. This is the type of weather now you're picking up colds, flus and all sorts.
14. Twenty minutes I was late for work because I had to defrost the bloody car. It's a joke. Aleppo? No, never heard of her.
15. I had to throw on two knickers' this morning. Also had a hot whiskey before work but that's nobody's business.
16. Roll on summer! (Sandwiches on winter).
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