Texts from your greedy gut during Christmas
Can't. Stop. Eating.
Christmas is an important time of year where it's essential that you stuff your face at all times. The end goal is that your colleagues don't even recognise you when you return to work, and you can only wear tracksuits because, to quote Queen Regina George, "these sweatpants are all that fits me right now".
For the past few days, we have all gorged ourselves and that looks set to continue until this piggery is officially stopped by some sort of Government intervention.
Here's what your greedy gut would be texting you at present, if it was a sentient being with the ability to communicate via instant messaging.