Here are the 10 things you’re guaranteed to see at a festival. If we’ve missed anything tweet us @Herdotie to let us know.
The Festival Virgin (part one)
These Festival Virgins travel in packs. Hoards even. Schools of naïve silky haired young wans with floral playsuits, fringed bags and glitter eyelids. They look great, but they’re fiercely impractical and they exist to remind us more seasoned festival goers to make more of an effort with our appearance. But then the rain comes and they’re forced to huddle together like a bunch of drunk penguin cubs. We don’t envy them.
The Festival Virgin (part two)
A different breed of inexperience, these Festival Virgins travel in couples with matching ponchos, extra socks and dioralyte. They’ve left it a bit later in life to join the festival circuit and usually pop up in arenas with more nostalgic bands.
Pasty Torsos
Regardless of the weather, you’re certain to find troops of males sauntering around with their farmer’s tans on show. Their pasty torsos are punctuated by nipples that could cut glass. Put your sleeveless Nikes back on boys, its offensive.
Slightly Ignorant Fashion Statements
Never mind that a bindi represents and preserves the symbolic significance that is integrated into Indian mythology or that a headdress is traditionally worn by men who have earned great respect in their tribe. You look great there with your beer in hand. Keep up the good work.
New BFF’s
Lifetime friendships are formed in port-a-potty queues. After a shared wee, these pairs of new BFF’s can be seen hand in hand headed for the bar. You will stay in touch forever.
Someone on The Cusp of a Kidney Infection
There’s always that girl who waits too long to go to the loo and is contorted into all sorts of shapes trying to hold in the wee wee.
Shifting
Ah, young summer lovin’. The dawn falls, the light show comes on and some fella in a fedora from Mullingar is asking for a sneaking shift. God love him, you won’t see him after he gets on his bus back to the town but you give him peck anyway.
The Professional Festival Fanatic
He’s got a perfectly crafted man bun and an arm full of bands from festivals no longer in existence. He sauntered out of the womb and packed his tent. He knows how it’s done and delights in enforcing sharing his wisdom.
The Good Craic Guard
There’ll always be that one sound Garda Good Craic who’ll tell you to finish your can before you head on in. You might catch him later with a hula-hoop.
The Sleepyhead
There’s always someone who gets a little too tired and needs to have a lie-down. You’ll see them resting on the perimeters of the arena, taking a quick nap near the end of the evening.
