Further Shocking Information Has Emerged From The Panama Papers
Panama Papers, am I right?
They've caused a fair bit of hassle after exposing the offshore taxation that some very powerful people have been doing.
But there's also some extremely sinister activity after being uncovered by these documents, some of which I have listed below.
Reader discretion is advised as these are all entirely fabricated.
1. Ronan Keating bought all 300 sold copies of his last album himself.
2. James Blunt doesn't actually think you're beautiful.
3. David Cameron, similar to Kanye West, stays away from that area altogether.
4. Joaquin Phoenix doesn't even know how to pronounce his name.
5. Enda Kenny has invested a large amount of money in Frubes and has encouraged others to do the same.
6. Oprah can't stand people.
7. Bill Gates doesn't have any windows in his house.
8. DJ Spiral owns over 12 Prize Bonds.
9. Blanket Jackson disputes rumours of being called a wet blanket.
10. Steven Spielberg admits Jurassic Park used fake dinosaurs.
11. Hulk Hogan was awarded $200m after being wrongly accused of stealing a typewriter.
12. Trinny from Trinny and Susannah admits that she is also Susannah from Trinny and Susannah.
13. Cadbury admits that Freddos are overpriced. FINALLY.
14. Maria Sharapova spent her entire career earnings on wholemeal bread.
15. Batman spent over $500,000 on butt implants.
16. Victoria Beckham lodged an undisclosed sum of money into 'Cheekbones For Chubby People' fund.
17. Taylor Swift has a wonky toe.
18. Matt Damon has never actually been to space.
19. Salt N Peppa never pushed a damn thing in their lives.
20. Fitch from Abercrombie & Fitch is a little bitch.
21. Samantha Mumba added an extra zero to her Credit Union statement to make herself feel better.