I want whoever reads this to know my story.
Criticise me if you want I am writing this to help women who are in my situation or similar. I’m not a journalist so I don’t want you to read this for my writing, just what it says.
When I was 16 I was raped and when I was 17 I got an abortion.
I was a good girl. I am intelligent, I did well in school and the worst thing that was ever sent home about me was that I was talking in class. When I was 16, I became the girlfriend of an 18-year-old “bad boy”. He was controlling. He told me what to wear and how to act, he didn’t approve of me hanging out with my friends, he did drugs and smoked and did his best to get me into those things too.
I thought this was normal, to me this was an “adult” relationship, this was how it worked.
During the time we were together I didn’t see much of my friends, my school work got a little worse, I spent most of my time in his house getting high and I thought this was okay. He cheated on me multiple times and I chose to ignore it because, you know, he really loved me.
One day when I was in his house, he brought over an ex-girlfriend of his. He got his friend to keep me in the sitting room and get me really high so I wouldn’t suspect that he was having sex with her in the back room.
After she left he was beyond angry and went for one of his friends with a broken bottle. I was terrified and left the house but he came after me. On the walk back to his house he said he was so angry he could hit someone, I was nervous and asked if he would hit me. He just told me to be careful.
We walked into his house and he told me to go upstairs and take my clothes off.
I said no.
He said “remember what I said”. I was so scared. I went upstairs and just sat on his bed and when he came up he asked me why I wasn’t naked. I said I didn’t want to and again he said you remember what I said, so I got into bed.
What happened next is not something I want to relive through my words.
When I got home my skin was crawling. The only thing that was going through my head the whole time was that I had to do what he wanted, I didn’t want to go home with any bruises so I just did what he asked. I thought this was my fault, not his, I shouldn’t have said no more, I should have done what he wanted. I hated myself for making him feel that way.
I told him I was scared of him and that I didn’t want to have sex. He got angry again, asked me if he thinks I raped him, but of course I said no. It wasn’t rape. He was my boyfriend, he didn’t force himself violently on me so it couldn’t have been rape.
That was the only time it was brought up. We never talked about it again and we went back to our version of normal. A few months went by, during this time he got me high enough to not be able to struggle in bed when I said no.
One day I got a text saying he was breaking up with me. I wasn’t upset, I was numb to it. I felt free, but on the other hand I still thought he was my true love.
After a couple of weeks, I was getting cramps and no period, I was worried so one day after school I took a pregnancy test in a shopping centre and those 2 red lines were really what made my life turn upside down. The first thing I did was tell him, and he told me I was lying to try get to be his girlfriend again. I went home in shock and told my parents, who are very old fashioned. I was told to get out, I was asked for my ex-boyfriends’ address so my dad could kill him, but the most terrifying thing I was told was “You are having a child.”
I knew I was pregnant obviously, but to hear it put like that, I completely broke down. I would have to go to school with a bump, I would be raising a child, I was only 17, my child’s father abused me. I called him that night to tell him I was keeping the child. His response was “see what happens if you try”. I had never been so scared.
I wasn’t given an option. I was brought to a women’s centre where I got to talk to an impartial counsellor. She was the one who talked to me about options. I talked to her 4 times that week before she let me talk to her about decisions. I was dead set on adoption until she told me I would have to carry my baby, go through birth, see them, and then never see them again. I already knew I couldn’t do that.
That’s when brochures for abortion clinics over in the UK came out. But the country and family I was raised in saw that as evil.
After a few days of consideration, I decided it was what I had to do. We booked the flights, went over to England and I went through the process. Every room I went into they asked me if I was sure, and in every room, I said yes, mechanically, I numbed myself to the situation for fear that I would change my mind. I was terrified that I would decide to not get the abortion and have my ex beat me in an alley way. Or that I would be raising them with a dad who abused me and he would never be out of my life.
There was no real after care. I was in recovery for 2 hours before I was sent back to the airport to go home. Anything could have gone wrong in the taxi to the airport, or on the plane, or at any time. I got home and went to bed, I got to go back to the women’s centre once for a check-up and to talk to my counsellor once more and after that, it was never talked about in my house again. This is where I thank the universe for gracing me with such amazing friends who were my heroes through this ordeal, they never abandoned me through the relationship and they were there for me going through it all.
Other than my friends, I never went to see anyone about what happened. It was brushed under the carpet and never spoken about again. I tried to commit suicide one night after getting really drunk and even that was never mentioned again.
This is where I get to the point of why I am telling you this story.
The 8th amendment is why this country has so little support for girls and women in these situations. The way this country is run, bringing girls up to believe that abortion is a disgrace, is why so many women die by suicide when they get pregnant and can’t handle it. This is why when the day comes, you should think of my story and vote yes. We need help for women, both mental and medical support needs to be there for us. If you don’t believe in abortion, I have more than respect for you, but what I will say to you, is that if you don’t believe in it, don’t get one. Don’t deny it for the women who truly need one or who feel they couldn’t handle having a child. Contraception doesn’t help in these situations.
It wasn’t my intention to get pregnant, it wasn’t an accident, it was forced on me when I was far from ready by a bad person.
No woman should ever have to go through what I went through, but unfortunately things like this happen every day. As they say, accidents happen. We need to stand together and help the women like me. Women need the option, women need to decide for themselves what happens to their bodies, it shouldn’t be up to anyone but the individual. I hope whoever reads this and got this far really sees the message. I don’t want anyone to go through this, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. And even if it happens to them, they deserve the option.
I don’t want anyone who hasn’t been in my situation to try put yourself in my shoes, because it’s impossible to feel how I felt, I just wish it never happens to you. And for those of you who are in my shoes, I am truly sorry for what you’re going through, but even if you don’t feel it, you are unbelievably strong and if you feel abortion is the way to go, know that what you feel afterwards is normal, but you can get through it.
If I could go through this and come out the other side, anyone can. I am just a normal woman.
This story was submitted by a reader who wishes to remain anonymous.
