Sarah Knight's F**k No! teaches you how to STOP saying yes when you can’t, you shouldn’t or you just don’t want to.
It grants you permission to say no, plus all the ammunition you’ll ever need to do so. It’s an encyclopedia of examples containing a cornucopia of comebacks and a plethora of polite replies.
Among the information in the book? Understanding FOMO( fear of missing out), what to do when you start feeling it, and how to stop FOMO in its tracks.
Extracted from F**k No! by Sarah Knight (Quercus), read on to find out 3 things to do when you're feeling the FOMO this holiday season (or whenever it may strike, really).
A big part of
Fuck No! is
learning to say no with confidence: in your delivery, aimed at other people; but also in who you are, what you want and what it takes to achieve it.
This skill will serve you especially well in the face of FOMO, which those paying close attention to the INVITATIONS chapter are likely to experience more than most.
- FOMO’ers can be introverts who don’t feel it’s okay to be introverts. Like there’s something wrong with them, and they SHOULD say yes because ‘normal people’ would WANT to say yes. If you’ll excuse my language, that’s bullshit. There is nothing wrong with you and don’t let arbitrary cultural norms convince you otherwise. You need to develop confidence in WHO YOU ARE.
- FOMO’ers may also know what they want, but haven’t come to terms with what they have to give up in order to get it. And, I’m sorry guys, but this is life. You have to make decisions and live with them, or you’re going to spend your days and nights so crippled by regret that you won’t even enjoy the thing you chose to do instead of saying yes to the other thing. If in the end you feel you made the wrong choice, learn from it and apply that lesson down the road. You need to develop confidence in WHAT YOU WANT.
In the sense of ‘missing out’ on fun stuff, FOMO takes two forms:
Before and After.
BEFORE: anxiety and indecision, fuelled by potential regret. You’re weighing your options — what you WANT to do (say no) and what you’re worried you SHOULD DO (say yes so you don’t. Miss out on fun, bonding with friends, or the kind of unexpected weird and wonderful moments that future dinner party stories are built on, and which you’ll then
also be left out of). In this internal hug of war, there are no winners.
AFTER: anxiety, fuelled by second-guessing the decision you ultimately made. You’re sitting at home (or wherever you chose to be instead), and you’re worried you made the wrong call. That feeling makes it harder for you to make the decisions in the future. Oh look, now we’re back to BEFORE.
The struggle is real and the cycle is vicious. It’s also purely emotional and you can counteract it with two of my favourite things:
LOGIC and REASON. Ask yourself these questions when FOMO is afoot:
BEFORE
- What are the consequences of saying no? You definitely get to do what you want.
- What are the consequences of saying yes? You might have fun, but you also might be just as miserable as you expect, which is why you want to say no in the first place.
- What of those odds looks better to you? There, now place your bets with confidence.
AFTER
- Did you have the time, energy and/or money to spend on this invitation? Possibly not.
- If you did, did you want to spend it? Clearly not.
- Are you happy with what you did choose to spend it on? If so, revel in your decision-making skills! If not, you can always choose differently next time.
If it helps, know that I have every confidence in you to get it right (eventually).
3 things to do when you’re feeling the FOMO
- Remind yourself that Instagram is built on lies
- Be thankful you got taken off the group planning text sooner rather than later.
- Change your mind, put on your party pants and go!
No-Tip: Get Out of Your Own Head. Asking and answering all of these questions
out loud may help you see things more clearly, or even make you realise that you’re being kind of silly. Especially if you ask them out loud in a Scottish accent, which I think we can all agree is fucking delightful.
