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1st May 2014
03:39pm BST

Things happened pretty quickly after hitting rock bottom for the second time and after speaking to Mrs. L the next day I was admitted into a psychiatric adolescent unit where I spent the next four months. It was far from easy, it was hell. I was 17, away from my friends, stuck in a hospital and my only way of coping was taken away from me, I was no longer in a position to relieve my thoughts and emotions through self-harm and while I did engage in self-harm while I was given leave and allowed home and while I did take more attempts on my life I knew that it wasn’t what I wanted, what I wanted was to get better. It wasn’t until I accepted that I had depression and that I accepted that my way of coping was a negative way I began my long road to recovery, a road which I am still on but with each day I get a bit stronger and a bit further.
My mental illness broke me down bit-by-bit but my family and friends built me back up and made me stronger than ever. I’m now 19 and I am open and honest about my past, about myself harm and about my experience with a mental illness because I hope that someday my story will encourage just one person to speak up before it’s too late, before they are too ill to get treatment as an outpatient and before they are too ill to recognizes that they do have a mental health issue. I am now 19 and I have suffered with depression since I was 13 as a result of life experiences and as a result of my depression I have become a stronger person. Looking back over my time in hospital, my experience with stigma, my self-harm and my dark days I see how that has made me who I am today. My actions over the years have although negative have allowed doctors to correctly diagnose me with borderline personality disorder and treat my condition correctly.
Do I view my talking as a weakness? No because it took strength and guts to tell people how I really feel, it took courage and bravery for me to open up and risk being judged and most importantly it took time for me to open up. A mental illness isn’t something we should be ashamed of, it is something we should use to teach us how life knows us down but how it also helps us back up, we should use it as an opportunity to become stronger, and more resilient. I’m 19 and I have struggled with a mental illness, I have been addicted to self-harm, I have spend months in hospital and most of all I have become a stronger person. I made it out the other end of my mental health issues, I still have my bad days like everybody else but I have learned to look after my mental health and I have learned ways of being kind to myself when I am having a bad day.
Sometimes it takes experiencing something negative to make you aware of things. I hope by sharing my story I will make some people more aware of looking after their mental health without themselves going through a mental illness. I am here today as a result of my friends and family, the doctors and nurses who looked after me in hospital and because others who have shared their stories with a mental illness made me realize I have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to hide and I have as much a right to speak about my illness/disorder as anyone with a physical illness/disorder.
This May I will continue to share my story in the hopes I can get people talking about mental health in a positive way. I’m ready to start a conversation, are you?
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See Change, the National Stigma Reduction Partnership and our 90 partner organisations are rolling out a month-long national Green Ribbon campaign to get people talking openly about mental health problems this May.
More than 300,000 green ribbons will be distributed nationwide free of charge to spark a national conversation about mental health in boardrooms, break-rooms, chat rooms, clubhouses, arts venues, college campuses and around kitchen tables throughout Ireland.
Aware – Helping to Defeat Depression (www.aware.ie)
Helpline: 1890 303 302, E-mail Support: wecanhelp@aware.ie
Console – Living with Suicide (www.console.ie)
Helpline: 1800 201890
Pieta House – Centre for the Prevention of Suicide or Self-Harm (www.pieta.ie)
Phone: 01 601 0000
Samaritans (www.samaritans.org)
Helpline: 116 123 (Free Phone Number), Email Support Service: jo@samaritans.orgExplore more on these topics:

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