Love bombing, gaslighting and more – five relationship red flags to look out for this Valentine’s Day

As Valentine’s Day approaches, many people will be celebrating love and romance

While every relationship has its ups and downs, certain behaviours can indicate emotional manipulation and toxicity. 

National mental health charity Turn2Me is highlighting five key red flags to watch out for and reminding people that support is available. 

One major red flag is love bombing. 

While grand romantic gestures can seem exciting at the start of a relationship, excessive flattery, intense declarations of love, and overwhelming attention - especially early on - can be a form of manipulation. 

Love bombing is used to create emotional dependency and move the relationship forward at an unnaturally fast pace. 

Once a person feels they have secured their partner’s trust, controlling behaviour often follows.  

Gaslighting is another warning sign. 

This form of psychological manipulation makes one partner question their own memory, perception, or reality. 

Common phrases used in gaslighting include:

• “That never happened, you’re imagining things”
• “You’re too sensitive, you’re overreacting.” 

This tactic is designed to gain control and undermine a person’s confidence, making them doubt themselves and feel powerless in the relationship.  

Negging is a more subtle but equally damaging tactic. 

It involves giving backhanded compliments or undermining self-esteem to create insecurity. 

Examples include comments like:

• “You’d be really pretty if you lost a little weight”
• “Wow, you look really nice today. I barely recognised you!” 

Negging is often promoted in toxic dating advice and aims to make a person feel like they need to work for their partner’s approval. This behaviour does not lead to healthy, fulfilling relationships.  

Controlling behaviour is another sign of an unhealthy dynamic. 

A strong relationship is based on trust and independence, but a controlling partner may try to isolate their significant other, dictate their actions, or monitor their movements. 

This can include checking a partner’s phone or social media without permission, making decisions for them, discouraging time spent with friends and family, or becoming angry when boundaries are set. 

In some cases, controlling partners use “protest behaviour,” such as storming off, hanging up the phone, or overreacting if their partner disagrees with them.  

Constant criticism is another toxic trait to look out for. 

While constructive feedback is normal in relationships, persistent, harsh criticism can make someone feel worthless or inadequate. 

This can involve nitpicking, belittling achievements, or making unfair comparisons to others. Over time, this kind of behaviour erodes self-esteem and creates a toxic environment.  

For those struggling with relationship difficulties, Turn2Me offers free and confidential support. 

The charity runs weekly online support groups focused on relationship issues, providing a safe space to share experiences and gain insight. 

Additionally, up to six free one-on-one counselling sessions are available for adults who need help processing their emotions and developing healthier relationship patterns.  

“Unhealthy relationships can take a toll on mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and emotional distress,” said Fiona O’Malley, CEO of Turn2Me. 

“Recognising red flags early is crucial, and seeking support can empower people to make informed decisions about their relationships.”  

Turn2Me’s online mental health services are available to all adults in Ireland. To sign up for a relationship support group or free counselling, visit www.Turn2Me.ie.