10 Things… You Should Never Say To A Single Girl

We’ve all been the single girl, and we all know the routine drill of advice rolled out by family and friends. Yes, we love being young, free and single and sometimes the footloose and fancy-free lifestyle is just the ticket for a summer of fun. But other times we can’t help but feel a stop off at frustration station when we hear some of these ‘wise words’ shared our way. Here’s our pick of the lines that somehow manage to beat the dodgy chat-up attempts in the queue for the cloakroom: There’s Plenty More Fish In The Sea… We don’t want another fish. We want our fish. And we’re not even a fish. Why does it all have to be so confusing? Why can’t we just be happy in love? You’re Too Picky We’re sorry, but who decided it was such a terrible thing to have standards? No, we don’t want to date your delinquent brother, or grab a bite with the guy who smells like he rolled around in a morning fry-up. We’re too picky? You’re not picky enough. I’ve Just The Friend For You You’re not Cilla Black, and we’d prefer you left man one, two and three behind the closed door. Chances are any promise of a date will be followed up with awkward conversation and a deep discomfort reserved for the shift dress you’re dragging down your knee. We’ve enough problems sitting through the dates we plan for ourselves. Who Are You Going To Take? We love the summer. We’re not such fans of the onslaught of wedding invitations for you and a guest. We have a slew of friends, hell we’re popular ladies, but it won’t stop the pity looks followed by “Who are you going to take?” Unless there’s an apocalypse and every other single person in the world is wiped out bar us, chances are we know SOMEONE who won’t mind being our date. How Are YOU Single? Yes, it’s meant as a compliment, but it does sting. A lot. We don’t know how the most beautiful boy in the bar doesn’t seem to rank our existence, or how gym guy has yet to work out we’re actually hilarious, but having it pointed out repeatedly isn’t going to help the cause. I Wish I Was Single Usually spouted by the friend with the long-term relationship that makes your ovaries ache. What you’re really telling us is you want to live vicariously through our tales of drunken debauchery and wild nights with the girls and Mr.Right Now. What you’re not saying is that you’re also equally satisfied to go home and curl up for some spooning with your boyfriend who you happen to love. Yes, you have it rough. Time Is Ticking The elusive body clock, a.k.a the fear of every Irish mammy that you’ll ‘miss out’. Why doesn’t anyone realise you might ‘miss out’ on the best craic ever if you don’t go out and have fun as a singleton? Yes, we know there’s an imaginary line where women rush to do the whole engagement/husband/baby thing, but we’ll let you in on a secret. Maybe, by some divine intervention, we’re happy being single. Ever think of that?   You’re Next If you’re single and your best friend/sister/neighbour/cousin three times removed happens to be getting married, someone, somewhere will predict that ‘you’re next’ to walk up the aisle. We’re lucky we’re surrounded by so many psychics. ‘Cause otherwise we’d drown in a sea of misery and despair waiting for ‘the one’. So Is Nobody Continuing The Family Line? Because some dads don’t know how to ask if you’ve a new boyfriend. Here’s a tip dad – he’ll be the guy we bring through the front door. Until that point, please refrain from any romantic enquiries. Our stories from Coppers will break your heart.   Why Don’t You Ask Him Out? Look we’re all for equal opportunities, and we admire any girl who has the confidence to saunter up to that lad and make the plunge. But if we like the guy, and there’s been flirting and we’re just short of holding a neon sign declaring our lust, we don’t need to hear how we should really just ask him out. We’ve a right to want to be swooned. We’ve battled dancefloors, blind-dates and Tinder nightmares. We’re not asking for a love letter, just a text.