12 signs that prove you're really bad at adulting
On the surface of it many of us look like reasonably high functioning individuals.
For example, I managed to secure a mortgage (35 years, BOO-YA) from a bank, a hospital allowed me to bring home a baby (18 years to life) and I'm contractually tied to another individual (for the foreseeable future) and yet while these are all hallmarks of adulthood, I still feel about 15 years old, amazed that I can stay up as late as I want. Here're 12 signs that you look like an adult but are definitely NOT an adult...
And yes, I realise that words like 'BOO-YA' do not help in the maturity stakes.
You still put the washing powder in the wrong compartment of the drawer thingy. EVERY. TIME.
AND we're still not sure what the difference is between biological and non-biological detergent is. It's difficult, they both have the word 'logical' in the title. It's just not clear cut, is it?
Underneath the pencil skirt and chic blazer combo, the underwear does not match. EVER.
If I could get a handle on the matching bra and pants, I feel like my whole sorry, messy excuse for a life could be sorted. It's just so hard to match a bra to Sesame Street boxer shorty shorts.
I. Don't. Floss. EVERRRRRRRRR.
Who's with me? I hate flossing and am looking forward to the day that a study proves that flossing is carcinogenic.
Afraid to check the bank balance
Calling it a balance is completely misleading, it implies that there is an element of restraint and equilibrium about our personal finances. There is not.
Being afraid of the hairdresser
Why must they continuously berate us about the state of our hair. Our hair is shit, is this not punishment enough?
Being afraid of the dentist, the doctor and the manicurist
WE are paying YOU. Stop giving out to us for not flossing/ keeping on top of the smear test schedule/biting our cuticles.
Drinking more Cystopurin infused beverages than non-Cystopurin infused beverages
The struggle is REAL.
Hiding unopened official looking post under other less scary looking post on the hall table
Full disclosure: It's not actually a hall table, but rather a congregation of bills and Four Star menus on the hall floor near the roller blades that I am ashamed to admit I own.
When cleaning, using the Hoover for everything. And I mean EVERYTHING.
Hoovering the floors, walls, ceilings, couch, toaster, shower tray, kitchen counters – maybe it's disgusting or MAYBE it's immunity strengthening. Don't judge me.
Persisting in buying shoes that we are unable to walk in
After 15 years of wearing stilettoes, one would think we'd have learned by now. High heels = walking while making a face vaguely reminiscent of this man...
Changing the bed sheets approximately once a year
Fresh sheets are such a nice treat, why are we apparently physically unable to change them more often? Ditto why, oh why is it so hard to post a letter?
We have never stopped watching Mean Girls
On repeat for years now... I regret NOTHING. This one's for you Glenn Coco.