9 Things No Man Will Ever Understand About Living With A Woman
So you've moved in together...
After a couple moves in together, it's usually the men that are in for more of a shock than we are because in truth, women harbour way more disgusting secret habits than they do any day...
These disgusting habits, coupled with our paradoxically exacting standards of living, make co-habiting with us beautiful, mercurial, enigmatic creatures fairly confusing for the male human.
Here are nine things no man will ever understand about living with a woman...
The tiny things that you think are no big deal... ARE A REALLY BIG DEAL
If we see fit to rant about it, then it is rant-worthy. We never overreact.
We are actually the best thing that ever happened to you
Don't forget this when we are ranting about your apparent refusal to ever, EVER wash an oven tray.
We have to take our bras off when relaxing
The bra removal should not necessarily be read as an invitation to engage us in depraved sexual activities, we may just want you to make us a cup of tea or rub our feet.
Watching a movie with not a single female character (I'm looking at you Moneyball) does not appeal to us
It's booooooooooring without women. Fact. (Moneyball is good though....)
Pressing a boner into our back is not an appropriate response to us sleeping
We don't feel that creepy boner unfurling and excitedly think "Way hey, I'd way prefer engaging in some monotonous hand action that will probably give me a repetitive strain injury, rather than continue resting." Keep it to yourself... unless invited.
We don't take out the bins
Yes, we know it's a double standard. Yes, we are comfortable with that. After centuries of patriarchal oppression, it's our right to be pro equality while at the same time adamant in our refusal to engage with the bins.
We don't like cleaning either...
We're not wiping skirting boards down if you're not.
As stated above, women are way more disgusting than men
The gusset of a woman's knickers is a frightening and disturbing place...
You make the tea