Everybody loves Coppers.
Except they don’t, they really don’t.
And yet, we all end up there at one point or another, crying silently while men accost us from all available angles, slowly miming the world’s to Nathan Carter’s Wagon Wheel, and viciously avoiding mops.
It’s great. We love it.
And for some, Coppers is a rite of passage.
You arrive to the big shmoke for the first time with your nursing degree in one hand and a naggin of Vodkova in the other. You’ve heard stories of what happens in the hotel on Harcourt Street, yet to experience it yourself.
You’ve got your emergency passport in your handbag and your shellac just about peeling. You’re ready. You’re going to be here every weekend until the end of time. You’re home.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BesqRcEg3Sn/?hl=en&taken-by=copperfacejacks
… And then for others, it’s just the place where your mates dragged you to for the third weekend in a row because you left pre-drinks too late and nowhere else is ‘worth’ paying into.
And they’re right. They’re absolutely right. But that doesn’t mean you feel good about it.
However, as someone who has *ahem* accidentally ended up in Coopers far too many times than I would care to mention, I have found ways to make my experience bearable and even, sometimes, fairly enjoyable.
This is them.
1. Don’t touch the walls
Or the floor.
Or anybody who’s dancing near, beside, or around you.
Coppers is a popular place, making it a sticky place – due to the myriad of drinks that are being spilled every hour and the human sweat descending from the thousands of bodies as they writhe around the dance floor.
If you attend CFJ, chances are you will be leaving with some sort of unknown stain on your person. However, you can minimise those stains if you’re careful and remain vigilant.
2. Go to the VIP area and never leave
Right so beside the cloakroom and up the stairs is Coppers’ VIP area where all the VIPs and, pretty much anyone who is bothered to walk upstairs, goes.
It’s a quieter space, a more tranquil space, a space where you can walk from one end of the room to the other without touching 74 people on your way.
It also stays open a lot later – which can either be a positive or a negative depending on what your #vibe is on the night in question.
3. Spend one hour in the upstairs bathroom taking pics
Staying in the elusive VIP area for a moment, let us consider their bathrooms.
Full-length mirror ideal for taking pics? Check.
An abundance of stalls that are always empty? Yes.
Strange lighting fixture that gives all selfies a strange, yet luminous glow? Absolutely.
Basically, the upstairs Coppers bathrooms are unlike anything you will ever experience downstairs and you haven’t lived until you’ve peed there.
4. Hit up the cloakroom at approximately 2.46am
Any later and you will not be getting your shit back.
Once Coppers starts to empty out, it doesn’t stop emptying out. And seeing as every single person in the entire world has decided to check their Michael Kors bag into the cloakroom, that queue is going to be long.
And because nobody can ever remember where they left their check ticket, that queue is not going to be moving.
To avoid standing around for genuinely 30 minutes of your life, pick up your stuff earlier and just leave it somewhere else.
Or head home, whichever.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BcDGSoEHab-/?taken-by=copperfacejacks
5. Loiter in the hallways at your peril
One does not simply stand in a hallway in Coppers and be left alone.
Rather, one is hassled by every man in the world while waiting aimlessly and innocently.
Look for your mate in the crowd? ‘Hey what’s up?’ Go on your phone for a bit? ‘Look at your one.’ Sink to the floor lamenting another night lost to Dublin’s question nightlife scene? … They might leave you alone then, actually.
6. In moments of weakness, think of the sweet McChicken sandwich you will soon be sinking your teeth into once the night is over
This is what you came for. This is your reward.
After hours of singing along to Cotton Eyed Joe, hundreds of men leering at your by the bar, and thousands of euros spent, you’ve made it. The lights are on and you’re done.
Sure, you finally got to see that lad you shifted for eight songs in the daylight (questionable) and yeah, your feet hurt after being stood on by 27 different people at regular intervals throughout the night, but you did it.
You survived Coppers. Again. And now you get to eat a burger.
All is well.
