Grief expert reveals how to support grieving loved ones on Mother’s Day

How to support grieving loved ones on Mother's Day

We must look beyond the bunches of flowers, the boxes of chocolates and the sweet tributes on social media, and realise that many people find Mother's Day both difficult and devastating.

According to social listening data from thortful, the UK’s greetings card marketplace, one in ten people feel negatively towards Mother’s Day, and 7% describe feeling sadness. While it’s important to celebrate the mums and mother figures who are here, it’s equally important to recognise and support those who are grieving.

To help start more compassionate conversations, thortful has partnered with the social impact charity, Apart of Me, founded by therapist and grief expert Louis Weinstock, to share meaningful guidance on what to say (and what not to say) to someone who has lost their mum this Mother’s Day.

Louis shares, “We’ve created a culture where ‘not knowing what to say’ has become an acceptable reason for saying nothing. But gestures, even imperfect ones, matter more than perfect words.

That said, some phrases are better avoided, as they can unintentionally make someone feel more alone, because certain responses have become cultural reflexes that tend to close down grief rather than acknowledge it. Here are some things worth being aware of.”

Phrases to Avoid

Louis explains that even well-meaning comments can unintentionally hurt.

Phrases like 'She’s in a better place' or 'She’s watching over you' can impose beliefs the bereaved may not share. Silver linings, such as 'At least she’s at peace now,' can also minimise the person’s loss.

Toxic positivity, like “Stay strong” or “Time heals,” can dismiss their pain, too, and comparisons, such as “I know how you feel,” should only be used if you’ve experienced similar grief.

What to Say Instead

There’s no perfect phrase that fixes grief. What matters, according to the charity, is reminding someone they’re not alone.

Simple, honest acknowledgment goes a long way; sayings like "I'm thinking of you today" or "Today might be rough, but I'm here if you need me" can have a big impact on someone grieving, says Louis.

He adds, “Some brands now let you opt out of Mother's Day emails, which is thoughtful, but you can't opt out of grief.”

Charity Apart of Me designed a range of cards for those who are still unsure about how to reach out this Mother's Day.

You can see these cards here.