Really, lads?
What’s the hottest thing a man has even said to you in bed?
“That feels good”? “You’re a ride”? “There’s a €20 JustEat voucher on the bedside locker, d’you wanna get a Diep after this?”
All pretty hot, in fairness.
Still though, that doesn’t mean that every man knows exactly what a woman wants to hear when things are getting hot and heavy between the sheets.
Thankfully, late last year some of the lovely lads over at Maxim decided to put together a comprehensive list of the hottest things to say to a naked woman.
Just in case there was any confusion as to what constituted hot. Or the state a woman should be in when you’re having sex with her.
The list included a few generic things like ‘Yes’, ‘Come’ and ‘Her name’ – all standard contributions to the ride, hardly anything surprising here.
But then it got weird. Like, really weird. Like, have any of you ever spoken to a woman never mind slept with one weird.
So, here are a couple of additions to the list that scream “sorry, what” rather than “yes, please continue whatever you are doing to me, currently.”
1. Tight
Alright yeah, some people probably like to hear that their various body parts are tight during sex, but is it really a word that women love to hear? Really?
Unless you’re talking about my tight core due to my constant hitting up of the gym (false), then nah, you’re alright.
2. Cock
Not dick, not penis, but cock. Specifically cock. Nothing more, nothing less.
Ask a woman whether she wants to have a look at your dick? Nah son, she’s out of there, bone dry, it’s not happening for you tonight.
Whisper something about your cock though? Killin’ it.
3. Hot pocket
Sorry, what? Just what?
When, in the history of sex, has any man ever referred to a woman’s vagina as her hot pocket and had a decent reaction?
Never, that’s when.
It’s not even an easy word to say during sex. It’s got three syllables. If you were going to drop that bomb during the ride, you’d have to have thought about it before. Considered it. Hyped yourself up to saying it.
Unacceptable behaviour, tbh.
