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15th April 2017
04:00pm BST
Jesus would've used Judas' weirdness to his advantage, constantly making a fool of him in the safe haven of Snapchat. Judas didn't have Snapchat, he was too busy being a snake and unnecessarily kissing people.
Classic random #LadsNightOut banter would've been documented on Snapchat because as we all know, if something funny happens and it isn't Snapped, it never truly happened.
Spade a spade, there's a high chance that Jesus dabbled in being a f**kboy. It was the lads' influence, he wanted to remain pure and holy, but a man needs to get his kicks.
I can't apologise enough for this one. Sincerely, I'm sorry.
Where did Jesus get all his loin cloths? Obviously he had to go into town and buy them, just like the rest of us. But did he enjoy it? Did he fuck.
Jesus' magical powers, much like Harry Potter's, were always a source of #top #lad #banter. He'd order tap water in every restaurant as the apostles would erupt with laughter. Those waiters would've barely turned their backs and there'd be a toasty Merlot plonked on the table.
As the original #influencer, Jesus would've likely been approached for many sponsorship deals, but ever the realist, he would only enter partnerships he truly believed in.
The irony of many of Jesus' hobbies would've only come to light after his passing, but that doesn't mean we can't retrospectively have a good old LOL at them now.
His crucifixion would've been a dodgy time for Snapchat, the invention of Snapchat Spectacles really would've come in handy but you live and you die and you resurrect and you live and you learn, I guess.
His optimism was always a big part of Jesus' Snapchat. Even when he was literally nailed to a cross, he still managed to find the silver lining <3
Shocked at how his iPhone battery managed to last for three days, Jesus' Snapchat friends quickly forgot this continuity error as they were invited to share a beautiful moment with J-Dogg.
Nobody was more surprised by his resurrection than his Snapchat followers, that's for sure. They were the first to find out and this final image was actually his most screengrabbed Snap ever.
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