“The trust has been damaged and unfortunately, that’s what you’re left with."

33 percent of women who have reported long-term domestic abuse have experienced depression. Women who have experienced sexual violence are more likely to experience suicidal ideation and emotional distress compared to those who haven't. Two thirds of women with depression have experience of abuse in the home and rape survivors are the largest single group of people affected by Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). While the link between domestic abuse and mental health issues may appear obvious given the above statistics, sometimes the connection isn't always so clear. The beginning of Her's Mental Health Month series considered the reasons why women are so much more likely to experience anxiety and depression.  There were a few different factors at play, one of the more prominent being that women are more likely to deal with gender based violence - both sexual and physical. So, why is the link between mental health issues and domestic abuse sometimes not so clear? Women's Aid director Margaret Martin says that despite the high numbers of women experiencing PTSD, many of those who contact Women's Aid don't describe it that way.

"They’ll say that they’re really anxious, that they have low esteem, or that they don’t feel like the woman they were before," she says.

“Their confidence has been eroded, they’ve been having trouble sleeping - the tactics involved in domestic abuse are a head wreck."

Martin says that the closeness of a woman's abuser makes the aftermath of the abuse so much more difficult to deal with.

"The fact that someone knows you and knows what buttons to push makes it so much worse," she says. “They target things the most close to your heart, or things that you might want to achieve. They know you."

Often, the unpredictability of an abusive relationship can lead to a lot of anxiety. Martin says that some of the time, women develop what she calls a "sixth sense" about the abuse, but for a lot of people, the opposite is true.

“A lot of it can be very unpredictable," she says. "When it's going to happen and when it's going to end."

"Abuse can continue after a relationship is finished. Sometimes, you’re trapped in it, but other times if you leave, the abuse can continue for a long time after that too.

“The trust has been damaged and unfortunately, that’s what you’re left with. Something has happened and there’s a consequence." It's not just the abuse itself that can contribute to a woman's poor mental health. The guilt associated with the relationship, and with speaking out, can also make the situation more difficult to deal with. “A lot of women feel disloyal," Martin explains. “But it’s important to talk, it can make a huge difference."

"Having a network is so helpful when it comes to mental health, and so is confiding in people you’re close to. It needs to be someone who’s not the person you’re in an intimate relationship with because they’re the problem."

The isolation often involved in domestic abusive relationships can also lead to increased emotional distress.

Talking is important, but so is recognising that you "don't need a bruise to be abused."

“If I have a cut, I’ll see it getting better," says Martin, "if I’m wounded internally, I can’t."

"We often describe it as raindrops. One raindrop doesn’t make you wet, but the accumulation of hundreds will. It’s a drip-drip effect. It’s done consistently and over a long period of time.

“We’re all resilient but we all still need good support. These situations can be so isolating when you’re constantly being put down. It helps to be nourished by friendship and company.”

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article you can contact Women's Aid on 1800 341 900 or email helpline@womensaid.ie. Note that support cannot be provided via email. 

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November is Mental Health Month on Her, where we'll be talking to you and the experts about some of the common - and the not so common - disorders and conditions affecting women in Ireland today.  You can follow the rest of our Mental Health Month series here.  Want to get in touch? Email me at Jade@her.ie.