#StayHome: Tips for sexting during lockdown, according to the experts
Get yours, just virtually.
If you've been a good self isolator and stayed away from your partner during lockdown, you'll know all too well the trials and tribulations of missing intimacy.
You're lonely, you're sad, you're craving to be touched - but you can't be because there's a pandemic occurring and getting physical with people is a solid no for the foreseeable future.
But the Covid-19 outbreak needn't be a cruel and abrupt end to all things intimate. Just as the rest of our lives have shifted to the virtual sphere, so has sex.
And thankfully, the guys over at Ann Summers have put together a definitive guide to all things sexting, phone sex, and even FaceTime sex, as we all settle in for a few more weeks of staying home.
Getting virtually intimate can be a daunting prospect, but it needn't be. And as long as both of you are game, what have you got to lose?
Something to keep you busy until the restrictions are lifted, sure.
So, how exactly am I supposed to kick things off?
The same way you're supposed to kick any sexual situation off, really - with a bit of chat.
All sexual interactions, whether on or offline, require communication, trust, and consent. Go into something unsure of any of those three and you probably won't leave feeling all that satisfied.
"Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with," say the Ann Summers team," or ask anyone to do something you don’t know for sure they’re comfortable with. It’s not cool, so don’t do it.
"If you’re happy with that, and you trust the person with what you’re about to give them – details of your personal desires or fantasies, possibly photos or videos – and you know for sure they’re safe, then go for it."
While you're here, you should make sure to use a platform that is safe and encrypted. WhatsApp is probably a good shout, and the easiest option unless you want to download some other private apps like Signal or Confide.
How do I set the scene?
Or at least, what they can see of the scene.
Although you absolutely shouldn't be approaching your work Zoom calls the same way you approach your sexting FaceTime calls, there are a few courtesies that you should be paying the person on the other end of the line.
Preparation is key, mainly so you don't get interrupted. But also to ease any anxieties that you might have going into the call or messages.
This is especially important if it's your first time sexting - the lead up to the event can sometimes be even more nerve wracking than actually doing it. But hopefully any and all worries will dissipate once you get going.
Here's a comprehensive list of ways you can prepare yourself ahead of time:
- Make sure your phone (or toys!) are charged
- Tidy your room if it’ll be seen
- Get the lighting right if you’re going to see each other on video or photos
- Slip into something that gets you in the mood. Yes you can do this in your sweatpants over the phone and they’d never know, but something about wearing lingerie can make a big difference to your mood
- Light a candle with sensual scents, like bergamot
What am I supposed to say?
This, it's almost impossible to give tips on, due to the individual nature of each conversation. However, the guys at Ann Summers have taken a stab at it anyway.
"This is entirely personal to you and your relationship" they say. "You might tend to joke about things or let the conversation stray into more flirty or cheeky realms. Or you might dive straight in. As long as you’re both happy, go for it.
"Pay attention to what they say (in normal life as well as during intimate moments), and if you’re ok with that, mirror it back to them.
"You can ask them to describe things too, for example ‘what would you like me to do to you?’ gives them free rein to use words to describe parts of their body.
"In exactly the same way, you can set the tone by describing what you’d like them to do to you, making clear that you like to use certain words."
What if I don't like the way the conversation is going?
If you're not happy with the way the chat is unfolding, or if you find that it's not working for you, change it.
Just as you should speak up during offline sex if you're not into something, you should do the same during phone sex.
Steer the chat in a direction you're more comfortable with, saying something like 'you know what I’d rather do…?’ or ‘I’m not ok with that, can we talk about something else, like…?’
It needn't be awkward, and once there's trust involved, your partner will understand your reasoning.
Is it weird to have a debrief afterwards?
A debrief as in 'a chat.' Not the other kind of debrief (though that's fine too, obviously).
Wanting to discuss how the experience went for you is completely normal - and natural, especially if it's your first time.
Questions like: 'What were your favourite parts?', 'What might you do differently next time?', 'Are there any boundaries you want to put in place?' and 'When are we doing it again?' are perfectly acceptable to ask - and will probably lead to a more satisfying sexual experience in the future.
Communication, guys. Don't knock it til you've tried it.
You can read more about sexting over on the Ann Summers website here.