There was a fall.
There was pain. There was blood. There was feeling sorry for myself. There was feeling stupid. And then there was the frustrations of limping through “three to six” weeks of recovery time.
Here are 20 things that having a broken big toe has taught me…
1. Wearing baggy pyjamas bottoms that trail on the ground is less slouchy chic and more imminent trip hazard.
2. The pack of plasters you bought to stop your new heels rubbing at that wedding will not cut it for major injuries.
3. When your foot is too swollen to fit into any pair of shoes you own, it’s not easy to just buy a pair one size up when you’re already a size 8.
4. Penneys’ memory foam trainers are the most comfortable shoes in existence. And they’re only a tenner.
5. Taxi drivers are nowhere near as chatty in the mornings. It’s blissful.
6. Taxi drivers use their horns a lot more in the mornings. It’s stressful.
7. Junk food will not help you to eat faster, but that won’t stop you feeling justified in getting breakfast doughnuts every day. And dinner doughnuts.
8. You can live with way less caffeine than you thought if you cannot make it to the kitchen.
9. Stairs are EVIL.
10. If you’re fighting fit and you encounter someone walking with a pronounced limp, the decent thing to do is to walk around them.
11. If you’re fighting fit and you encounter someone walking with a pronounced limp, the common thing to do is to march directly towards them and make them be the one to try step – painfully – out of the way.
12. Tutting loudly at someone with a limp and saying “fuck’s sake” repeatedly will not make them speed up.
13. Even last year’s threadbare, baggy-around-the-knees tights can inflict serious pain to an injured digit.
14. When you’re limping, people who have never felt the need to speak to you before will suddenly start talking to you.
15. The same people may immediately stop chatting to you if the story of how you got injured doesn’t involve alcohol, a beloved pet or an act of heroism.
16. You will never want to go for a run more than when you can’t.
17. Sometimes, the reason that a person didn’t jump up and offer you a seat on the bus is because they cannot stand. No amount of glaring at them will change this.
18. Sometimes, the person glaring at you on the bus because you didn’t jump up and offer them your seat is not even an aul wan but practically your own age. WTF?
19. Even the most sympathetic of your friends will be bored of your injury, long before the “three to six” weeks is up. Only your mammy remains concerned til the bitter end.
20. The world is actually quite nice when viewed at a very slow pace. Even in the rain.
