‘Valentine’s Day is a competition, and I want no part of that’

"Admitting heartbreak these days is like admitting defeat. Our social media feeds, particularly on days like today, become the ultimate battleground."

by Niamh Maher I’m not allowed to play board games. Cluedo is a no no, Monopoly is off the table and Jenga is all out carnage. My competitive edge began very young. As an athlete growing up you’re taught one thing, put the work in and the victory will follow. That’s why so many athletes struggle with loss. What happens if you put the work in but still fail? Admitting heartbreak these days is like admitting defeat. Our social media feeds, particularly on days like today, become the ultimate battleground. Who received the biggest bouquet? Whose weekend away cost the most? Is her diamond bigger than mine? I know competition, and the game of love is an all-out war. I’ll never forget the six words he said as I adjusted the laptop to get better WiFi, “I don’t think it’s working anymore.”

I’d like to tell you how dramatic it was and how I flung the laptop across my bedroom, but it was a Wednesday, my dad was downstairs and Apple products are expensive, so I simply shut the laptop and deleted Skype.

It’s easy to demonise and point fingers and I did for a while, a Skype breakup gave me the perfect out; a ready made bad guy with the added bonus of it being my birthday week. The truth is - as with any competition  - there were two components, one walked away unsatisfied and it felt like defeat. I lived out a fairytale romance online. The posts were endless; the selfies insufferable, the love heart emoji worked hard. When it all ended and I began to wade through the debris I realised it wasn’t heartbreak I was suffering, it was digital humiliation. I felt embarrassed that a love I was so confident in turned out to be a technological failure, and so the online picture cull began, the messages of inquiry followed. It was brutal. This Valentine’s Day marks a new chapter, the heartbreak was over three years ago, the ex in question is happily married and I’m packing my bag for a city break away with my boyfriend. He doesn’t write poetry, we don’t plan the future, we’re just us and for the most part, we’re behind closed doors. Today and this Valentines weekend I’m trying something different. I’m raising the white flag, admitting defeat and bowing out of the love competition.

There won’t be any ring; there won’t be flowers or chocolates, I’m on a social media love embargo.

Call me cynical or lovelorn if you will, my intention is simply to be honest. The images of smiling faces online can sometimes mask reality, so I’d like to offer an alternative. To those who’ve experienced heartbreak, or perhaps are alone today, remember this; love comes in many forms, the real kind of love should never be a battle, and sometimes it’s okay to lose... but not at Trivial Pursuit. Niamh Maher is a journalist and broadcaster who will be joining the Her team later this month.