Love is a two-way street, and sometimes you need to know all the aspects of yourself before committing to another half.
Whether you know your insecurities or have a dealbreaker in mind, building a relationship requires time and trust.
Unfortunately there’s one common mistake people make that could see a relationship fail before it even begins.
Marriage and family therapist Shelly Bullard claims the biggest barrier facing people entering and maintaining a relationship is the belief that they need the relationship to complete them.
Bullard argues that by placing pressure on your other half to feel complete, that you could be sabotaging your own happiness by placing unrealistic expectations on your partner.
Explaining her reasoning on MindBodyGreen, Bullard writes:
“If you feel like something’s missing in your life, then your experience will bring you proof that this perception is true.
“For example, if you’re preoccupied with finding a partner and hyper-focused on not having one, you’ll continue to see the same results of not having a partner. The experience will appear in two specific ways: You’ll either remain single, or find a relationship that keeps you unfulfilled.”
Bullard points to the fact that if you’re eternally questioning if you are happy, and the impact of your relationship in making you happy, you could end up placing your partner on a pedestal… which will ultimately lead to their fall from grace.
So what’s the best way to enter a relationship?
When you don’t need someone else to feel loved.
Bullard adds:
“I know that at first you might be skeptical — you may think it’s impossible to feel connected, loved, held and taken care of without a partner.
“The most beautiful thing about this process is that once you find these feelings inside of you, you’ll be much more likely to find them in a relationship, too.”
Not sure if counselling is for you?
Why not try meditation, keeping a journal or speaking about any insecurities with friends or family.
While it’s not guaranteed to take away all the elements that could lead to a fight, it will give you a chance to start into your relationship with a reasonably pressure-free environment.
Now all you need to worry about is where to go on date night, or how to overcome small talk.
