Smokey eye is one of those impossible to achieve styles that always look so damn good on everyone else.
After years of striving for smokey eye success I have identified my tried and tested, perfect steps to failing to achieve that perfect smokey eye look. For optimum results, always try smokey eye when you’re already 10 minutes late for something and have had at least two drinks.
Here’re 10 Simple Steps to Completely FAILING to Achieve ‘Smokey Eye’
Finally discover what eye primer is
Embark on the continued quest for the perfect liquid line
Continuously adjust the ‘perfect liquid line until gradually the eyeliner is wearing you
Use a cotton bud dipped in cleanser to ‘correct mistakes’ (note: at this point it’s be easier to take the whole lot off and start again, but we’ve gone this far)
Definitely, definitely, definitely stick the cleanser-dipped cotton bud straight into your eye, the crying will lubricate make up application (not in a good way)
Open your eye too soon after liquid liner, resulting in transferance of liquid liner to brow area. This is not optional
Asses the largely unused colours on the darker end of your eyeshadow palette, reject the notion of building up gradually in favour of using the BLACK eye shadow – you’re feeling pretty confident that you’re going to end up looking exactly like this
Concede that this was a mistake when you accidentally take the eyeshadow right up into that forbidden territory: The Brow Line. And wind up looking like this
Abandon all attempts at smokey eye.
Wake up the next morning and realise that nothing short of bathing in acid removes goddamn smokey eye
