Hair is very versatile.
There’s a lot you can do with your hair to define your personality. Want people to know you’re a nerd? Carve the numerical value of pi to eight decimal places on the back of your head. Want people to know you’re a fan of George Michael’s early work? Get a mullet. Want people to know you’re a fan of Jedward? Cop on.
I’ve done some extensive and extremely academic research into what your chosen hairstyle says about you. Feel free to peruse the results below.
Ponytail
You’re a youthful little madam aren’t you? No flies on you! You lead quite a busy life, always running around the place like a headless chicken. There’s just not enough hours in the day for your hectic ways. Your favourite music is hip hop and your least favourite dinner is a burger. Friends and family would describe you as irritatingly chirpy, but don’t let that phase you. If they don’t love you at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.
Tight Bun
Look up commerce in the dictionary, because you mean business. You’re strict, determined and extremely organised in life. From the moment you wake up in the morning, things go according to a military-level of precision. Your clocks are all set 10 minutes ahead so you’ll never be late for anything because similar to your bun, you’re extremely uptight. There’s no room for spontaneity with you, so friends have to make plans six weeks in advance if they stand a chance of securing a highly coveted space in your filofax.
Layers
Come on, live a little. You’re playing it safe and you know it. You’ve never died your hair and the few choppy layers are about as wild as you’ve ever gone. Take a chance. Things have always gone quite smoothly for you. Solid Leaving Cert, Arts in UCD, HDip and now working in your old secondary school whilst living in sin. Himself wouldn’t notice if you returned from the hairdressers with a second head but that’s not to say you don’t deserve a little change. Go wild, it’s the year of our Lord 2016.
The Rachel
Quit reading The Independent and get with The Times, sister! You’re living in the past and your hair reflects that. Friends has been off the air since 2004, and so has your desire of being on trend. In other aspects of your life, you always try but never quite succeed. That ECDL course was never finished, you left himself standing at the altar and you’ve never successfully defrosted chicken then committed to cooking it. Sort your life out babes, unacceptable.
The Bob
Your cheekbones and jawline are to die for, but aren’t you well aware. A hairdresser suggested the bob to you approximately seven years ago and you laughed at the idea. Time went on and you realised your gorgeous looks will fade, so decided to milk it. You’re very low maintenance, but enjoy looking nice. Weekends are spent finding the latest accessories, which can take hours upon hours. Just as well you save roughly 4,500 hours a year not having to dry hair, you perfect-cheekboned FREAK.
Messy Bun
You’re a disgrace, get your act together young lady. You’ll spend twenty minutes in the morning trying to perfect the dishevelled look and that wagon Tracy from across the road will nail it in two on the bus into work. Life is quite disorganised and you’re forever late for things. Every week starts with promises that you’ll turn things around, maybe even run a straightener through your hair, but the allure of laziness firmly grasps your attention. Typical you.
