It’s Valentine’s Day – and you know what that means.
Love. Everywhere. It’s sickening.
And if you happen to be currently forever alone, chances are you probably won’t be into the whole idea of romance tonight.
If that is the case, great, because here’s a nice list of films on Netflix that are so depressing, so scary, and so genuinely horrifying that you’ll instantly feel better about your own meagre existence.
Enjoy.
1. Se7en
Think you’re sad and alone? Honey, just witness how utterly despondent and hopeless Brad Pitt’s character becomes in this thriller and you’ll instantly feel 10 times better about everything.
Se7en is also a great movie for reasons not related to Valentine’s Day.
It’s clever, it’s got Morgan Freeman, it’s got a bangin’ twist at the end – absolutely enough to distract you from the monotony of existence.
2. Gone Girl
Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike just can’t admit that they don’t really want to be together anymore.
So instead, they cheat on each other, fake their own deaths, and even kill other people – all in the name of, eh, love.
So if you’re pushing 35 and are sad that you haven’t tied the knot yet, don’t worry.
If you had, you might’ve ended up like these two. Bleak.
3. Abducted in Plain Sight
HE GAVE HIM A HANDJOB IN THE CAR?!
Alright, not a feature film but a documentary film all the same – Abducted in Plain Sight is a horrifying watch, mainly because every single person in the film is the worst and should be locked up for the rest of their lives.
Forget about being alone by frustrating yourself with the trials and tribulations of these stupid parents.
You won’t regret it.
4. Gerald’s Game
Upset you won’t get to do any vaguely kinky bits with your significant other this evening?
Don’t be, because Gerald’s Game is a movie about why using handcuffs in the bedroom can lead to degloving of the hand and also death.
It’s also a movie about grief and fear and tall men who break into houses but honestly, the degloving scene is the only bit of this film you’re going to want to talk about.
Jessie accidentally kills her husband Gerald after he handcuffs her to the bed in their secluded getaway cabin. After that, she needs to figure out a way to escape while also facing some inner demons of her own.
You know how this whole scenario could have easily been avoided?
By not having a husband. Easy.
5. The Invitation
Slow, but steady and absolutely worth it for the pay off, The Invitation is a psychological thriller that’ll leave you feeling tense, paranoid, and pretty glad that you never joined a cult or whatever.
It’ll also make you fairly delighted that you don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or an ex-wife that has decided to invite you to her new home with a load of random people who are absolutely not alright.
If you did, you’d have to go a party just like the above.
And then you’d die.
So just be glad you’re alone, thanks.
Special mention for Requiem for a Dream which was recently removed from Netflix despite being unreal.
Look lads, if there’s any sort of narrative that’s going to make you think ‘huh, maybe things aren’t so bad for me’ it’s this one.
Requiem for a Dream will destroy you. It will assault you from the inside out, rip out your heart, and ensure that you spend your entire evening sobbing violently and blocking diet pills ads from your feed.
It’s harrowing, it’s upsetting, it’s hopeless – and it’s definitely worse than any sort of loneliness you’re feeling right now.
