In a new weekly feature, Her.ie newbie Liz is going to share her weight loss journey. She’ll be filling you in on fighting temptation, her willpower struggles with the cocktail menu and taking painfully slow steps towards regular exercise. All in the name of a dress.
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Hanging on the wall at the end of my bed is the constant reminder I plan on shedding nearly two stone this year. I also plan on marking the trials and tribulations of ‘trying to be good’ – the favourite saying we all tout, and quickly replace when a cake is put in front of us.
Week 14: A few home truths
It would be easy to think that this is a straight up weight loss blog. When I started writing 14 weeks ago, that was exactly what I set out doing. Thing is I’ve come to realise that with weight loss comes responsibility. The responsibility of being accountable to yourself and having self-respect to demand what you want or deserve.
I originally started writing about a dress. A beautiful dress that just so happens to sit at the end of my bed. So now I pass it everyday.
Yes, the dress is a constant reminder of what I’m working towards, but it’s also a sign of all the things I’ve learned for myself the past few months. So bear with me and I’ll divulge some of the home truths that have been taking root the last while.
Like how life and time are precious, and if you spend so much time worrying about your appearance then chances are you’re missing out on the little joys and treats. Last week I had my first ever full-body massage. I was led into a room where a robe and fluffy towel were waiting for me, and a sweet girl who had no idea what she was about to ask of me, directed me to the side of a bench.
“You can undress here, everything off but your knickers, take the robe and meet me upstairs where we can talk through the treatment today.”
I looked at her with a mix of disdain and terror. I couldn’t strip down, in the middle of a dressing room. WITH PEOPLE AROUND. What was she thinking?
I did the awkward arm wriggle out of a bra shuffle, and pulled the robe up around my chest. It was only after I went out to meet my masseuse that I realised a complete stranger was about to see me naked. Normally I would’ve refused point blank, or made an excuse, but this time I pulled on the dressing gown cord and steadied myself onto the massage table.
Not only was this girl young, but she was thin. So thin that if she turned sideways she’d probably slip between the floorboards.
I waited but there was no gasp, sharp intake of breath, or sound of disgust.
Instead she started the massage, and I suddenly realised there were more than clothes I was missing out on by being uncomfortable in my weight. Like the magic hands of Caitríona on my back. Yes that sounds crazy, and I take nothing back. It was like the first few weeks of learning to jog, or the weights room incident. Feeling the extra pounds can sometimes mean that you hold yourself back from trying new things. Just in case you look like a fool. Or fall flat on your face. (Which when you have the natural grace of a bulldozer, is a real possibility.) But I’m feeling a bit more daring nowadays.
Screw Stella – Liz got her groove back.
The second little lesson that I keep coming back to, is that for me anyway, a lot of this boils down to self-respect. To respect myself enough to feed my body with healthy, nutritious food, to ask for what I want. To surround myself with people who want the same things for me, and to be a little bit selfish for myself so I can reach the goals I’m setting myself.
From changes of chips to veg in the restaurant, to telling my weight watchers leader my goal weight, I have to take ownership of my part to play in this weight loss. Best part? My leader didn’t take me aside to tell me I was crazy with my target, or to lower my expectations. What she did say is:
“We’ll get there together. Why don’t we concentrate on the first half-stone and we’ll work from there?”
Which brings me to the most important point, and easily the part that would’ve been the achilles’ heel in my grand dress journey if I hadn’t come to the realisation and planned in advance. The harsh reality is that I might miss my dress deadline, but also, that I might actually put the weight back on if I’m not conscious of the changes I’m making.
I want those pounds to melt from my hips, but the fact is I didn’t put on nearly two stone overnight. Those tummy tyres set up base camp from a serious three way love affair with two of the main men in my life Ben&Jerry, with friends wine and chocolate making guest appearances in the story of Liz’s trials and tribulations of the ever-expanding waistline.
It can be easy to beat yourself up about not losing weight every week, or hitting a plateau and getting bored, but if you’re following whatever plan you’ve set out on, and you’re making the right changes, you will see the results. It might be a victory of the scales or it might be running into a friend who hasn’t seen your slinky new shapes, and seeing the look on their face at your svelte little botty.
What I’m saying is I’ve learnt that giving up is all part of the vicious cycle that held me back in the first place. Held me back from signing up to lose weight, resolving myself to never giving new opportunities a try or putting on two stone because patience and weight loss unfortunately go hand-in-hand.
So this week, when I was stepping onto the weigh pad, I was telling myself, gain, drop or same weight, I was going to be happy and just aim for a loss next week.
I wasn’t about to fat-shame myself over a treat size Twirl bar that was most definitely hiding in the bottom of my handbag. Life’s too short, and you know what? I deserve so much better from myself.
My new attitude served me well. I was down half a pound. And I was thrilled.
As was Mary, who was down three pounds and loving life.
And why shouldn’t she? We’re proving that a moment on the lips does
not have to mean a lifetime on the hips. Excuse us while we high-5 in the corner, ok?
This week’s stats go a little something like this -
Height: 5ft 8
Starting Weight: 174 lbs
Current Weight: 160 lbs
Weight Loss To Date: 15 lb
Goal: 148 lbs
Feeling: Pretty happy
The Dress in Question:
