Ahhhhhhhhhhh... and tomorrow's the beginning of a new week. Again. "That's it," you shout as you struggle up from the depths of the couch, "I'm going on a juice cleanse." Here are 10 thoughts everyone has before starting a health kick... Ahhh, Monday. 'There's really no time like the Monday', as the saying goes. Conveniently 'Monday' is almost always six days away. Six days of intense carb-loading is an essential precursor to every health kick. We need to stockpile the calories for all the intensive training we're going to be doing. We spend our lives in search of an exercise class that is like exercise but is not really exercise. Like when we thought ballet barre was just such an exercise class, graceful and gentle. This is not the case; it is actually like ballet for heifers. They also make you do the whole class in front of a wall of mirrors – if the gruelling class doesn't make you cry, the sight of your pudgy attempts at ballet most definitely will. The moment right before starting a fitness craze is the most optimistic point of the fitness journey before any sweating or effort has actually been exerted. Just thinking about being healthier gives us that runner's high we're always hearing about. Maybe instead of joining the gym we should spend 40 minutes 3 times a week just about getting fit. Prepare to spend the next three hours lost in a fitstagram haze while deciding what celeb wears the best chic fitness fash. Then purchase some fashiony, neon gym gear that no Irish complexion could ever pull off. Now prepare to trawl the Happy Pear's Instagram for at least an hour while eating the last of the chocolate biscuits, toast and pop tarts that need to be consumed before the detox can begin properly. Feeling lighter and cleaner already. If you've never tried to give up coffee before, it is best not to attempt it in conjunction with other hardships such as diet and fitness. It's too risky. Giving up coffee will give you a headache like nothing you have ever experienced before, and you will be angrier than a hormonal lady tiger. Throw ballet barre and courgetti into the mix and you're liable to attack the next person who innocently strays into your eye line holding a takeaway coffee. Smugly tell everyone you meet, despite having done nothing whatsoever bar paying for the dreaded fitness class. The pre-exercise high coupled with the practically straight vodka you're drinking conspire to get you somewhat over-refreshed. Tell everyone at the pub that you don't want to lose weight, you just want to be a strong whoo-man, and then bore the shite out of anyone who'll listen with tales of quinoa porridge and nutritional yeast. Ah, next week.