The language of love is complicated.
In fact, we are firm believers that every girlfriend speaks two languages within her relationship.
One consists of words and sentences, generally makes sense and is socially acceptable.
The other is far deeper and layered with meaning that is not conveyed in any way through the actual words we use.
Ladies, here are 10 things every girlfriend wants to say (but doesn’t).
1. “Pop quiz! What’s my mother’s middle name?”
Sometimes the urge to test our partner’s knowledge of random trivia about our lives in order to deduct how much he loves us is just overwhelming.
But we don’t do it. Because it’s not fair.
2. “It’s funny when I take the piss out of you. It’s not funny when you take the piss out of me.”
There’s nothing worse than having to laugh through gritted teeth when he jokes that you’re a “bunny boiler”, because you’ve just ripped him to shreds ten minutes ago and he took it like a champ.
We can usually resist for an hour or two, and then he’ll get a “What did you mean earlier when you said…”
3. “I hate your haircut.”
We usually can’t be vocal about this one because we are the ones who sent him to the barber with a list of strict instructions.
Oops, he looks bad.
4. “I’m obviously not going to come out with the lads. I JUST want you to want me to want to go.”
Is that so hard to understand?
5. “I want you to run me a bath but I don’t want you to get in.”
Sometimes we just want to be pampered (and then left alone).
6. “Why aren’t you more jealous that the guy at the bar is looking at me?”
I mean, we say that jealousy is one of the most unattractive qualities, but does he have to be SO chilled out ALL the time?
Does he even like me?
This is when we mentally start to rein it in.
7. “Can you just please text me so that I can not text you back and show you I’m not talking to you.”
There’s nothing as frustrating as when he hasn’t realised that you’re icing him.
You want to tell him – but it defeats the purpose.
8. “Do I look amazing in this?”
It’s usually the other way around and we think we look too fat.
But every once in a while we KNOW we look unreal and we just want him to say it.
But we can’t ask. He has to realise himself.
9. “Why did you like your friend’s ‘looking good’ comment on Georgia Salpa’s holiday picture on Facebook?”
It’s not a test, you’re just easy-breezy-wondering.
The only problem is that the picture is from October 2013 and you had to trawl through 354 comments to find the offending like.
Easy aaaaand breezy.
10. “Send me flowers. Send me flowers. Send me flowers.”
We’ll say it’s so embarrassing and we don’t like them or need them.
Then we’ll go all Matilda and transmit the message that he better send them using just our eyes and some eyebrow twitches.
11. “Why don’t you ever like my Instagram/Facebook posts?”
We clearly can’t say it, but it is a seed that we will plant in our little garden of frustration, and water it every day until it grows into a giant invisible tree in the landscape of our relationship.
Just click like. It’s easier for everyone.
