Periods... The monthly reminder that there’s no chance God is a woman, and that chocolate deserves recognition as its own food group. From mood swings, to cramping tummies, here’s the guarantee signs Aunt Flow has come to town… You’ve Put On Good Undies… Or wore your white jeans or took a chance with a light dress. You never get your period when you’re in your black sweats or wearing the knickers with the stretched out elastic. Life’s not fair like that. Forget The Comfort Of Your Home Try any important meeting, trip to the swimming pool or en route to a night out… Which Inevitably Leads To… The search for a tampon. Or a sanitary towel. You’ll ask every female in a 10 mile radius before you spend €2 for the jumbo Tampax in the toilet vending machine. Other questions include who has painkillers, and who stole my hot water bottle? Your Handbag Is Your New Limb… You will carry it, and your sanitary supplies, everywhere. Because you’re being discreet. And it doesn’t look odd at all compared to the 90% of the time you walk to the toilet from your desk arms swinging. The Chocolate Apocalypse There is no safe place. There’s no hiding your stash. You will eat the ENTIRE contents of your goodie press and you won’t feel guilty about it. You may also shout at anyone who happens to steal a square. How dare they take away your tummy cramping cure? The Resident Spot Yes, we’ve named that one pimple that surfaces on our chin and stays rooted there for the next week. No amount of concealer is going to hide that one. Mountain out of a molehill? Us? Never… Sweats Are Now Totally Acceptable At All Times You’ve managed to get up, shower and get dressed. The fact you’re wearing socially acceptable pyjamas can be overlooked. Sweats are your new jeans. Emotional Rollercoaster Step away from YouTube, turn off the rom-com and lock yourself in your bedroom for the next week. You’re a fragile lady. Prepare to feel the wide range of emotions that come with that time of the month… Packing Your Suitcase? May as well throw in some tampons. There’s no way you’re getting two weeks in the sun without a cramp clampdown. Planning On A Night In For Two? You can guarantee if you’ve marked a special date in the diary for some action, that your body clock is about to interrupt your bedsheet throwdown. Added fun when you explain why you’ve gone from totally up for it to the foetal curl position. Honorary Mention…. As much as you hate it, there’s no fear to compete with the anxiety of waiting a day or two when you’re usually as regular as clockwork. Yes, you will start running through every handshake to shakedown since last month and you won’t be happy until you’re hunting out a hot water bottle for relief.