When the idea of moving in together strikes, it is usually at the point of peak fancying in a relationship.
That split second of time right before you start living together is the most you will ever like each other again. After the move-in, simmering resentment over domestic duties coupled with frequent disgusting encounters with their ballsack will ensure that the honeymoon is truly over.
Here are 10 thoughts you have when you move in with your man-child…
1. “Why are there balled up socks everywhere?”
They seem to get the urge to remove their socks in the most unlikely places, like the kitchen. There is no part of me that wants to be barefoot in my kitchen (I don’t own a mop), and yet there are his socks roaming around by the bins.
2. “AAAAghhh what IS that?”
The soap in the shower is so covered in pubic hair; it looks like a little creature.
3. “Is he actually physically incapable of washing the pots when he does the dishes?”
Men take the phrase “washing the dishes” very literally. If he ever, EVER washed a pot or oven tray I would die of shock. I would literally pass away.
4. “OMG has he EVER washed his towel?”
Just walking near his towel is horrendous. I feel sullied just by smelling that thing while he cheerfully rubs it all over his body and then hangs it up for the 264th day in a row.
5. “Does this mean I have to shave the legs more now or less?”
I’m going with less, I reckon. He’s in this far I can stop pretending that I’m not a disgusting individual.
6. “Where do I hide my secret chocolate now? Can I no longer eat Roses in bed of a Sunday evening?”
See above. The jig is up; he knows I am a gross person who only owns one bra.
7. “What the hell is he doing in there that takes so long?”
Every trip to the jacks is like a 45-minute production, he also brings the iPad in with him which makes me never want to touch it again.
8. “Is romance just dead now?”
He’s openly farting in front of me and bending over naked waaaaaaay too much. There’s only so much of that angle I can take…
9. “How, HOW is there always a match on? And just what does he think will happen when he screams at Rob Kearney through the television?”
Will Rob stop play to listen to the ravings of a man who’s main dealings with balls involves sitting in front of the TV with his hands down his pants?
10. “How is it that he appears not yet to have mastered simply wiping his own arse?”
When putting stuff in the laundry and encountering the dreaded skid marks. Every. Time. I kinda wish we had a home incinerator where I could just burn his boxers, I don’t like the thought of them mingling with my things in the wash.
