10 ways to distract yourself while your housemate is having sex
The joys of sharing your living space with another human.
Living with housemates is brilliant, it has huge advantages and a few pitfalls along the way. On the plus side; there is ALWAYS teabags in the house, on the negative; from time to time, you'll have to listen to them have sex.
Sex is a perfectly natural form of expression, it is a wondrous thing... if you're getting it. If you're not have no fear, we've compiled a list of beautifully creative ways to occupy yourself while your housemate has all the fun.
- Finally start writing that erotic novel - If you always felt that you have the means to write a dirty novel, this background noise could provide the perfect atmosphere.
- Have a silent disco in your bedroom - Get those wireless headphones on and dance to your hearts content, we recommend anything that has a hefty beat to drown out any unneccesary rhythms.
- Catch up on your night-time gardening - To be fair we never do it during the day... so maybe it's best if you grab a torch and get those fingers nice and green.
- Take up the bagpipes - We just think this would be gas.
- Listen to your favourite podcast - If you're stealthy you'll start to figure out a pattern, it could be a Tuesday or maybe a Thursday (it's never a Monday). We recommend co-ordinating your favourite podcast with sex night, The Capital B is our current 'must listen'. Nothing better than a business podcast from the JOE boys to make you forget about all the sex you're not having.
- Skype Australia - We all know someone there, and by this time of night it's their breakfast hour... PERFECT skype timing.
- Eat something really crunchy - You could be healthy with an apple, or make yourself feel better with a big ol' bag of crisps.
- Make a smoothie - You'll get the added bonus of annoying everyone in the house, smoothies are LOUD.
- Watch a kids movie - Any one will do, but blare it loud enough so they feel guilty about their chosen activity.
- Hop on Tinder - because if you can't beat 'em.