Okay, we’ve decided that shower sex just isn’t hot. In fact, you will inevitably end up cold.
It starts with the greatest of intentions but typically ends with your other half shivering in the corner and passing you the shampoo and conditioner.
Here’s 11 reasons why shower sex just shouldn’t be a thing…
1. Weird angles
It’s hard enough to have sex standing up – particularly for couples with height differences – but with four walls in such close proximity? You’d want to be a contortionist.
2. Slip ‘n’ slide
You finally find a position that sort of works. It’s working… it’s working… aaaaand I’m hurt. Help me up. Pass me a towel.
3. Someone is always cold
The unspoken battle to get under the shower jet. We find a subtle elbow in the ribs is quite effective.
4. Lack of leverage
The curtain rod WILL come crashing down, knocking your expensive shampoo into the toilet. Then you have to get the marigolds out and start fishing. Not sexy.
5. The shampoo and conditioner dilemma
Body wash is hot, it’s foreplay. You can even get away with a Herbal Essence-esque shampoo situation. But when is the right time to put in conditioner?
And will he be offended if you ask him not to touch your hair for exactly four minutes? Buzzkill.
6. Someone accidentally hits the temperature wheel
Scalded. (This will end up being his fault somehow, even if it was you.)
7. Make-up mess
This is how we think we look having shower sex.
This is how we look having shower sex.
8. Lack of lubrication
One of the great wonders of this world is how little lubrication there is in a shower. The water actually somehow makes things worse.
One word: chafing.
9. Bad lighting
The harsh bathroom lighting is not conducive to looking like a goddess. You can see EVERYTHING.
10. Soap in your eyes.
Game over, everybody out.
11. You need another shower afterwards.
You didn’t rinse out your shampoo properly and you just don’t feel clean. Plus, you didn’t get to do this:
