There is nothing more sacred than the uncensored tongue of an Irish granny. They get away with cold-blooded murder on a daily basis because of their adorable faces and carefree nature. It's impossible to get offended because they don't mean any harm. Here's 20 things that are only acceptable to hear from a granny's mouth: 1. Haven't you gotten grand and fat? 2. Would you ever go and get a proper job for yourself at some stage? 3. Aren't you awful brave wearing something like that. 4. I don't like people. 5. Back in my day if we didn't like someone, we'd tell them. 6. Well, you do a great impression of someone that got over 400 points in the Leaving. 7. You're big enough and ugly enough to look after yourself now. 8. I got a lot of food in because I knew you were coming. 9. Lucky for you, it's all about the personality these days. 10. If you were mine, I would've clipped you round the ear long ago. 11. Still living at home at your age, people will wonder... 12. Sometimes I give the dog a bit of a kick, does him no harm. 13. I'd say she hasn't long left in her now, she'll be lucky to see Christmas. 14. Aren't you built grand and sturdy? 15. What colour is your hair at all? 16. Well, I'm glad you didn't go tidying the house just for me. 17. I could be dead tomorrow, so hop up there and make me a cup of tea. 18. What's your name again? I haven't time to be remembering all of you. 19. Those new neighbours go to the 'other' church. 20. I'm telling you, the dog is definitely gay.