The girls’ bathroom is a sacred place.
It can be a terrifying experience if you are sober, but it is a social paradise when you have had a minimum of one Bacardi Breezer. Barriers are broken down and girls simply chat and compliment each other in the most beautiful way, living their respective truths and making you wish the outside world could be that way.
Once you leave that bathroom, never look back. Never acknowledge the complete stranger you’ve just shared eyeliner tips with. That’s the golden rule of the girls’ bathroom on a night out. It stays inside the bathroom.
Here’s 21 things you’ll be hearing in a girls’ bathroom near you…
[In the queue]
1. Your tan is unreal. Were you away? Don’t even try to tell me it’s fake because I won’t believe you.
2. Mind yer wan beside you there, she’s trying to skip you and I won’t see it happen.
3. Sorry, can I just say, your liquid eyeliner is flawless and I just needed to acknowledge that.
4. You’d think they’d have a few extra bathrooms in here. Only 3 working and the actual size of the place!
5. I swear to God, you’re the image of Samantha Mumba. Did anyone ever tell you? Spit of her.
6. Where did you get your dress? It’s gorgeous. I’d never fit into anything like that.
7. Are you a beauty blogger? I swear I’m following you on Snapchat. Your smokey eye tutorial changed my life.
[In the cubicle]
8. Just make yourself sick, Kate. Then you can carry on with the night and stop wasting everyone’s time.
9. Will you pull down my zip? Gently now please.
10. AHAHAHA SARAH YOU FORGOT TO TAN YOUR ARSE!!!
11. I actually can’t stop peeing. It just keeps coming. I must be going a minute and a half now.
12. Claire I swear to God if you do a poo while I’m in here, I am terminating this friendship with immediate effect.
13. Look how fat my stomach is, I am disgusting. No, stop telling me I’m gorgeous. I am scum.
14. Has anyone got a spare tissue? Some animal has left me for dead in here.
15. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I didn’t mean to get so drunk I’m a disaster.
16. *girl giving herself a pep talk* Come on Megan, pull yourself together. This is a work night out, don’t make a show of yourself.
[On the way out]
17. €2 for a spritz of deodorant? I will in my back be paying that. I’ll take a lollipop though!
18. When we go back out there, you’re not to say a word to Decky. He’s a pig and you can do so much better.
19. Will we go halves on a box of smokes?
20. Bye toilet attendant lady. I love you.
21. Shots?
