Penneys is important.
There’s very few problems in life that can’t be solved by a trip to Penneys. Just got dumped? Penneys. Have an hour to kill in town? Penneys. Trying to avoid going to lunch with your moany colleague? Penneys. Need to change your cents to Sterling? Penneys.
I believe that everyone turns into the best version of themselves in two key places: A nightclub bathroom and Penneys.
Here’s 21 things you’ll catch yourself saying (either to yourself, or a friend) when you’re in every Irish gal’s mecca, Penneys.
1. Ok Ciara, eyes down, you’re in here for one thing and one thing only. Let’s move.
2. Of course they put the one thing I’m looking for right down the back. Typical.
3. No it’s definitely gotten bigger since the last time I was here.
4. Look at the size of the queue for the changing rooms. Amateurs. I’d sooner bring it home and return it.
5. 25 years I’ve been on this Earth and I’ve never found the right bomber jacket for me, UNTIL NOW.
6. Could I pull off a backpack handbag or am I going to look like a first year whose Mam has sent me back to college with pre-made dinners for the week?
7. WHY are the shoes always so far away, I haven’t the strength for an escalator now.
8. This ring will turn my finger green in 20 minutes, but they’ll be a glorious and fashionable 20 minutes so I’m buying it.
9. OMG IS IT CALLED PENNEYS BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS SO CHEAP?
10. I’d actually love to work here, you’d get all the new stuff first.
11. €9 for a top sure that’s for nothing, I’ll buy four.
12. No their sizes must be off today, I’m definitely not that big. Anyway, will we go Subway again?
13. There’s nothing new today, it’s all the same as the last day I was here. Think it was last week? No, actually it was yesterday. Jesus, I need to get a life.
14. Why do we have 24 hour hospitals and Tescos when what we really need is a 24 hour Penneys for emergency clutch bags and the likes.
15. Well I’m glad the entire population of Ireland decided to nip in here at the exact same time as myself.
16. Sorry can I just take a second to acknowledge the range and the value that is on offer here. My God, what a gift this place is.
17. Look at the queue for the till. Ugh, do I really need all this? Yes. I am not a quitter.
18. I have 87 scarves, but this one is a dressy scarf so it makes no sense not to buy it.
19. I’ll just stick my nose into the homeware section for a quick second. You’d nearly forget it was there.
20. I should’ve got a basket, sake. Every time.
21. Fair enough they didn’t have the one thing I was looking for, but I’ve left with a new handbag, overnight hair serum, six pairs of jeans, three tops, a good winter coat, a new toothbrush, three necklaces, a portable phone charger, a fine pair of boots and a fluffy pyjamas, so every cloud!
