It is legitimately easier to find Nemo than it is a job. There's a few jobs knocking around most of the time, but they're so boring and monotonous. Is it too much to ask for a means of employment that will truly fulfil your life's expectations? I've put together a list of 10 jobs that I would very much appreciate the Irish workforce making directly available. I will send an application to each and every one immediately, should the positions arise.

---

1. Job requirements: Convincingly pause for a moment of reflection each time a bell rings. Must be available at 6pm every day. Must be prepared to deal with high levels of fame.   2.  Job requirements: Eat an obscene amount of chocolate every day under the guise of "quality control". Must be entirely fine with putting on 3 stone.   3. Job requirements: Vigorously rub Mr Tatum's body where and when he desires. Must be willing to travel and be prepared to fall deeply in love with the customer.   4.  Job requirements: Therapy dogs are there for us, but who is there for therapy dogs? This is where you come in. Must be available 24/7 to provide cuddles and treats to the cutest dogs in the world.   5. Job requirements: As Sean Paul feat. Blu Cantrell advised us, just breathe.   6. Job requirements: Ensure that all titles on Netflix are fully operational. Must be prepared to spend all day sitting on one's backside watching movies and television series. Snacks provided.   7. Job requirements: Even the President of Ireland needs a hug every now and then. Successful applicant must provide POI with regular and heartfelt hugs.   8. Job requirements: *fill in this section later*