Long, cold days indoors mean fun, sexy times.
There’s only so much Homes Under The Hammer a person can watch, so why not spend your snow day getting frisky?
We find that many themed lists of sex positions are just plain unachievable, so here are some things that you and your own Beast From The East should be able to manage with minimum effort.
‘Keep The Water Running’
Run the taps in the bath and thrash about awkwardly with your partner inside it as it fills, making sure ye get clean before the pipes freeze. Two birds, one stone.
‘Breadmageddon’
Sandwich yourself between two willing partners, purportedly for sex but really to sap their body heat.
‘The Curfew’
Get your pulse racing by standing out in the porch until 4.01pm tomorrow, the minute after people in Munster and Leinster are asked by the state’s National Emergency Coordination Committee to be inside their homes. Wild.
*Disclaimer: Get straight inside after you’ve had your fun. We won’t be responsible for you catching a cold.*
‘The Lock-In’
Forget picking up a bag of cans – climb into a sleeping bag with a partner and have missionary sex with even less movement than usual. Finish unsatisfied and realise that the zip has gotten stuck and that you’re now locked in. Accept that you’ll both be in there for some time.
‘Rations’
Straddle your partner on the couch while seeing how many of the ’emergency’ jaffa cakes you bought you can eat before he or she comes.
‘Check On Your Neighbours’
Ever wondered if there are any swingers in your local area? Now could be a good time to find out.
‘The Emergency Heating Allowance’
Press your freezing cold toes to an exposed part of your partner’s body until they push you off the bed.
‘Road Closures’
Been thinking about trying anal? Pay homage to the nationwide travel disruptions by taking a different route with your other half, so to speak.
